a confession & a message of hope

this message brought to you by emma

recently a friend of mine got some difficult & scary news about her sweet momma. and when she texted me to pray, i was on it. i quickly let some prayer warriors know (if you don't know any, get some) to start praying. when i went to text her back, i found myself without words. nothing to reply with. weird for me. i'm almost never without words (just ask my husband). but seriously, nothing. and when i told my husband i didn't know what to say to her i assumed it was because of the shock of the news; but truly, it was because my well was dry. i, myself, had not been faithfully seeking God. 

after our bible study finished this summer, i had planned to read a few new books i had picked up & had multiple places in the bible i wanted to study. just as satan would have it, i did none of it. one day of busyness, turned to two. two days turned to three and soon i had a whole new "routine"...and it didn't include a quiet time. 

it's a constant battle. 

me vs. myself.

me vs. Satan.

me vs. the world

i won't win through my own strength. 

i must seek His strength.

then the victory is ours.  

and the glory is His.

i mean really:

can i be disciplined enough to meet with God daily? 

can i sacrifice time out of my day for Him who sacrificed everything for me? 

how can we minister to others if we aren't in communion with Him?

when i'm not seeking him daily, life is full of chaos. full of despair. full of anger & loneliness. life seems clouded and without purpose, BUT when i'm in Him...

there is hope. 

there is grace. 

there is a chance for forgiveness. 

there is purpose in the storms. 

there is reason for the trails. 

there is light in the darkness. 

and, today, when i broke down & opened my heart in a prayer of repentance & thankfulness, it was there...that fresh breath of HOPE. it was there in the song i heard on the radio. it was there in the bible verse i just happened to see on my daughter's bedroom wall. and it would be there in the text message i was about to send my friend: HOPE.

i prayed & searched the scriptures. then i stopped & just reached for Him...tired & thirsty & heavyhearted. and He held me. {Romans 8:26} my well was filling. my eyes were filling. my once dry well was overflowing. 

i was overflowing with grace. 

i was overflowing with thankfulness.

i was overflowing with humility in repentance.

i was overflowing with praise. 

i have spent the last two weeks in utter frustration with our daughter. Her ADHD is getting the better of her (and us). she's been off medication for a couple of years now (thank you Jesus) but between a new school this year, joining volleyball, homework, getting a new dog, her chores...i think it has been a lot of change for her to deal with all at once. i wanted her to try harder and focus better. and i found myself being that parent i'm always complaining about in the movies (and in real life) who constantly pushes their kid instead of guiding in patience & in love. i was getting aggravated and angry and resentful towards her. then i felt guilty for feeling & acting that way. 

you see...she's a sweet child with a heart for Christ, but she sure hasn't seen Christ in me the past couple of weeks. i am so thankful that when i fall short, she knows to turn to Christ who will never fail her. what a humbling experience to walk into her room this morning and see that message & verse wrote on her wall. she gave me HOPE.

i know God allowed these last two trying weeks to happen for a purpose but i reacted like a spoiled child throwing a hissy fit, crossing my arms & pouting in the corner, alone. i had no grace to extend to our daughter because i wasn't accepting His grace in my life. i wasn't seeking His face. i wasn't seeking His strength. i was living in my own feelings & that's one of the worse things we can do as a follower of Christ. living in my feelings will always lead me away from Christ & further into darkness. i need to live through my faith not through my feelings.

i am constantly reminded that i can't get through this life on my own. i mean, i can, but i would be in a constant state of emergency. 

we can't live in victory if we're stuck in defeat. 

and Satan wants to defeat us...no, he wants to completely destroy us. he wants to keep us depressed, insecure & removed from others. it's easier for him to whisper his lies into our ears when we are vulnerable & alone. he wants us to live in bondage. he wants to rob us of HOPE. he doesn't want us to live in the freedom that Christ offers. he wants our relationships to fail & our lives to crumble. he wants us to live selfishly & stuff our lives with things that fill us, instead of that which truly feeds us. 

then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty." {John 6:35}

i praise Jesus for i never have to thirst.
i praise Jesus for His love, His grace & His HOPE.
i praise Jesus for never leaving me & for patiently waiting on me (over & over) to return to Him.
i praise Jesus for life's trials that often bring us back to Him.
i praise Jesus for His perfect plan in our lives.

Seek The Lord and

Seek His strength

Seek His face

Continually

Psalms 105:4

*** if you have a moment, join me in prayer for my friend's mother. she is a faithful follower of Christ & has given this situation over to God. we pray for strength, answers, healing & for all members of the family who are also being touched by this. 

when 2 rooms become 1: before & after

there once was a room 

a nice size room

with great windows

and great light

it belonged to a girl

and had the smallest of closets

but the girl never did mind

for she herself was small in size

the room had four walls

that began as white

they soon turned butter in color

then the room lost its carpet

and revealed its lovely wooden base

not long after this

three walls were changed to a sort of light grey

that seemed to look light purple

and one wall was painted quite dark

we'll just call it eggplant

a few weeks ago

this room changed again

for the third time since the girl lived there

three walls returned to white

one a black chalkboard

and all the trim and doors were turned white too

then the girls' sister moved in

and they both loved the new room

and they all lived happily ever after

---------------------

sorry, folks, sometimes (especially late at night) this sort of free verse shows up & takes over. there's really not much i can do about it. 

hopefully, you have already gathered that i have, once again, painted my dear kennedy's room. this time we redid the room because big sister, emma, was moving in with her (for reasons i cannot yet tell you but will be telling you soon!!). yes, we were met with some hesitation (and downright "no's") regarding this decision but it needed to be done. i guess the promise of a room redo was all the chips i had to bargain with. soooo...the girls & i worked on what we would change. and what did they REALLY want?? a chalkboard wall. wow. we only have TWO other chalkboard walls already in the house, but okay. seriously, though--easy enough & honestly, i love a black wall.

my initial thought was using paint would be the easiest (and most affordable) way to manage a big change for the room. i didn't plan on buying all new pieces of furniture or a bunch of new decorations. i also really like the idea of "shopping my house" for objects that we could pull together for their room. no real theme. no real guidelines. pretty eclectic-because that's how we do.

our main goals:

1. maximize use of space (2 girls + 1 room = the more room to move the better)

2. minimize pieces of furniture/etc in the room

3. maximize storage space 

because i work best on a whim, here are a couple of (basically) before pics of her room. i was getting anxious (and a little aggravated) that i had not started on the room earlier in the summer, so i walked in one morning & just started moving stuff. it made me feel better but at some point i realized i never took (true) before pics, but i thought, eh, better late than never. so here they are...in all their real life messiness glory.

after deciding on paint colors i wondered...where are we putting 2 beds in this room?? the solution: bunk beds, naturally. emma already had bunk beds in her room but we really wanted to leave those in there & i didn't have money saved to buy new beds. luckily (thank you, God) our friend was selling her sons sturdy, well taken care of, solid, wooden bunk beds (which i immediately wanted to paint white...hubby said negative)! the bunk beds also came with built in drawers (perfect for kennedys clothes) and a built in desk (we eliminated another piece of furniture)!

now, emma's dresser from her old room was the cutest darn thing (one of my fav diy projects) & it was going to work great in her new room...until we moved it in her new room. hubs realized it was completely falling apart. poo. really didn't want to pay for a new dresser so i started scouring yard sales & flea markets. no luck. [press hold on that issue] 

so i decided to just start painting. 

and i cleaned out toys...clothes...shoes...trash...and some more toys. 

and then painted some more.

and kept painting...

and after the slowest painting job ever...we were finally ready to get them moved in.

(there's emma's old -broken & adorable- grey and white dresser...say your goodbyes now)

it was upon moving in & constructing this new bunk bed that we came across such an amazingly awesome surprise! apparently, this bunk bed purchase had also included a very nice matching...dresser! perfect to replace emma's old one! God had already provided & i didn't even know it, yet.

now, i know i said i had no luck finding a dresser while out picking and thrifting (obviously for a reason), but i did find a few other items that would work great for their new room. i found some great baskets to house dolls, toys & headbands. i found a couple of ceramic black swans & a textile that would be used as wall hangings. and i used some of my own (and their own) diy art on the girls' shelves (each girl got their own shelf & hooks). like i said, i didn't want to buy a bunch of new stuff to decorate their room, so by using what we already had it made this redo quite affordable & adorable!

despite a few initial threats, arguments & debates the girls have not had any issue with sharing their new room. actually, i'd say it has worked out great since each are somewhat of a scaredy cat...they can now keep each other company through the long, dark nights. 

current cravings

with the start of school and the change of the season teetering on the horizon, inspiration starts to hit me from every direction: clothes, shoes, hair, makeup, food, smells, design, our home. the excitement i feel is palpable. fall is my absolute favorite. i'm not really sure why. maybe it's because i love to wear scarves & boots. maybe it's because i love hot apple cider. or maybe it's all the fond memories i have that go along with this bright & blustery season.

walking to school with my dad. hearing the leaves start to crunch under our feet. the cool air as i huddle under my coat hood. the fall festival at our school. hayrides from behind my dad's tractor. trips to our family cabin to soak in the changing of the leaves. bonfires through the night. s'mores & mom's homemade caramel apples. foddershock in the front yard. indian corn on the table. costumes & makeup at halloween...a time for fantasy & make-believe. it all seemed so magical through the eyes of childhood...and it still holds some of that same wonder for me, today.

so with the change of the season, i feel renewed. i crave change and feed off that which inspires me. it could come from anywhere. a movie, a book, a photo in a magazine...or let's be honest...a particular pin on pinterest (dang i love pinterest). let me digress:

pinterest. how i love thee. and here's why. i was a faithful magazine subscriber. i had multiple (many) "inspiration books" with tore out pages and pictures from magazines. anything that inspired me. and now, there's pinterest. it's like a never-ending magazine! and i can't help but faithfully search, scroll & pin before bed every night before prayers.

like i was saying...i am ready for action. i just finished the girls room redo (post soon to come!); finally hung a couple of new things in lincoln's room; washed all the bedding, pillow covers, couch cushion covers & rugs and sold a few items that needed moved out (& finally wrote a blog post). next up...my closet.

i've been reading up about capsule wardrobes & the idea speaks to the minimalist inside of me. select a few key pieces in your wardrobe and leave the rest. buy quality over quantity. mix & match the key pieces you have to create many different looks. i mean, the reality is, i have so many clothes that i never wear...and i'm not sure why i keep them. anyway, this particular assembly below could really work for me. i have most of these key pieces & could rid all the unused items from my closet.

(note: i more specifically searched "french capsule wardrobe"...well, because, few do fashion like the french.)

maybe i'll do a post about that selection & simplification process, i don't know. but anyway, here are the current craves that are filling my mind, my pinning boards & my camera roll...

mustard cardi + half updo + old truck

long & flowing

making all those recipes i've pinned

that sweater is a bit ridiculous & that outfit is a bit perfect

minimal makeup + j.law

must make this wall hanging

must whitewash brick

getting this shirt made ASAP

all things BBC! particularly doctor who & pramface

peanut butter milkshakes...i must stop

also, basically simplifying everything...wardrobes, gifts, home decor, christmas, dinners. the minimalist inside of me is coming out in full force & i don't not like it.

{photo credits via my pinterest page here}