welcome to indie's market

what a weekend.

what a week.

what a month.

i don't know if i've ever been so happy to see june in all my life. well, maybe that spring of sixth grade. 

but amidst the craziness that is the end of school/mom of five/wife of a high school principal/sister to a grad, a year had officially past since we welcomed little henry indiana into our family. so, in the same weekend we celebrated my youngest sister completing school, we also celebrated the first year of life with our indie boy. our blue eyed, squinty smile, still redheaded, daddy junior, boy.

my papaw, who we lost a few years ago to dementia, was a farmer & indie's party was a sort of homage to him. his tee having the words, "support your local farmers" printed on it. 

"sweet indie, your great papaw's name was jack. he would have given you rides in his john deere tractor. he would have let you steer his truck down their long gravel drive. he would have let you try on his polka dotted hat. he would have taught you to snort like a pig. and he would have definitely made you laugh. oh how he would have loved you indie boy."

half of the invitations may have gotten lost in the mail, but we partied at our home the sunday of memorial day weekend. it was a million degrees but i didn't even care because it wasn't raining. the babies, however, did care. so shortly after opening presents (quickly) & "smash caking" (barely) we all migrated indoors to the air conditioning where we actually got to enjoy some of the magical cake made by taproot farms. 

welcome, friends, to indie's market...organic & home grown, established may 25, 2017. ;)

oh indie boy

you are so loved.

we didn't know 

how much we needed you

and all your squinty eye smiles.

xoxo mom




my last first birthday party. EMOTIONS.

does this make me look fat?

throughout my life, this was the only question that mattered when i got dressed...

"does this make me look fat?"

not, "is this comfortable?" or even, "is this outfit appropriate for what i'm doing today?" 

that one question is what i've measured all potential garments against. it was my main concern when presenting myself to the world--maybe especially because i'm a curvy girl. "how big do i look in this?" that haunting question has drove every purchase i've ever made my entire life.

until now.

while i know clothes aren't the only thing in life (i swear i won't always write about them) they are a big part of it. from the beginning of time they have said a lot about who we are as people...they told others if we were in mourning, if we were wealthy or what tribe we belonged to. they are the way we introduce ourselves throughout our day to day interactions, they play into our self confidence & they can even lead us to the future's that we want.

maybe it's because i've turned 30 & am feeling more confident in who i am as a woman, it could be because my husband & i have been together for 18 years & i'm feeling comfortable in my own skin, maybe it's because i've had five kids & there's a sense of pride from what my body has accomplished, or maybe it's just a period of enlightenment for me right now--i, for one, think it has a lot to do with the fact that i'm raising three young woman & the conversations that have started about dressing for ourselves & not others, about humble, modest confidence & about how our worth comes from the one who gave his life for us on the cross & not in what we wear or the things we possess...

but i woke up one saturday morning as a 32 year old women & wondered... 

if i take away the sole purpose of dressing to look thinner, then what am i left with? 

who am i dressing for?

i've read all the cosmo articles about how women actually dress for the approval of other women & rarely dress for men. of course, i've also seen all the posts about how to dress to get a man. i've read the pieces about how to make your legs look longer/your waist slimmer/your butt smaller, and how you should never wear horizontal stripes because heaven forbid you appear wiiiiide.

the thing is, i'm done dressing for everybody else. i want to embrace the fabrics, the shapes, the colors, the patterns, and all the horizontal stripes. so what if something "hides my figure." so what if something isn't "on trend." who cares if it isn't something you would wear. because the fact is, no one is making you wear it, or even like it. as women, we have a barrage of marketing messages telling us that everything about us is wrong. i refuse to believe that.

be you. not them. 

i also refuse to be so naive as to say what we wear doesn't matter, because the figures tell another story with the clothing industry being an over TRILLION dollar industry. let's quit pretending none of this matters.

how do i feel about this?

if i were to pinpoint what it is i want from my wardrobe i think it would be to feel good. on the one hand, i think it's safe to say i can "feel good" when i look good, right? i also believe that i can "feel good" in something because it's cute or expensive or new, but what about how i REALLY feel in it. when i think back to some outfits that i "felt good" in over the years, they really weren't comfortable, which made me feel self aware & in turn, on some level, uncomfortable. it's sort of a vicious cycle. i believe now that "feeling good" in something, can mean being so comfortable that i forget i'm wearing anything at all--freeing my thoughts & energy. this was not a feeling i was familiar with in years past. once, at nine months pregnant, i was wearing three inch heels every day to make sure my legs looked as long as possible on my 5'3" pregnant frame because I NEEDED TO BALANCE OUT MY NINE MONTH PREGNANT BELLY. it literally made me anxious thinking about wearing flat shoes because of how frumpy i was sure to appear. by the way, i now have terrible feet & back issues because of said shoes & have to wear orthopedic insoles. "feeling good" came at a price.

i also want to say that if a form-fitting dress or heels makes you feel good then by all means WEAR IT. if sweat pants & a tee shirt make you feel good then DO YOU. let your clothing decisions be something that empowers you instead of enslaving you. 

for years after having children, my fear was that people would look at me & think i had let myself go.  that they would judge me for not taking better care of myself. that they would know i ate that candy bar for breakfast or that i couldn't remember the last time i worked out. i was afraid that if i was seen in anything that wasn't incredibly flattering, people would think i was hiding something. my fear was amplified with the fact that i was a teen mom & i never wanted anyone to think i had failed or that motherhood was overwhelming me. so that meant nothing oversized or flowy or baggy or thick or toooo form fitting. but it has me thinking...why is it that any piece of clothing that is flowy or oversized is automatically perceived as something to hide under? who said this?? and when did being comfortable become synonymous with not caring?? what if, instead, by wearing clothes that you feel comfortable in, it releases you from all these preconceived ideals, therefore allowing you to fully feel like yourself.

what is it i want from my wardrobe?

every once in a while i think it's good to take a minute & do a quick self check. to see what is or isn't working for you. may it be how much time you're devoting to things, how much money you are spending, or how much energy you are putting into something.

but this particular question is an easy one for me. i want my wardrobe to inspire me. i want to feel myself in these pieces. i want to be able to think as little as possible about what to wear so i am free to spend my time & energy on my children & focus on my beautiful life with my adoring husband. i want to be able to move & dance & play in my clothes. i want them to be durable & washable & livable. i want my clothes to be more about me & less about you. even though, i really like you. ;)

i want the feeling of broken-in linen as it floats around my body instead of sticking to it in the summer's heat. i want all the cozy feels as i wrap myself in cashmere that will last for years to come. i want to feel beautiful in a slinky silk dress that covers me wholly. i want the durability of denim to get me through days of working outside when the temperatures start to drop.


so, as my teenage daughter will tell you...yolo. my dudes, life is too short to worry about what someone else will think of you if you wear that loud top or that cute hat or those baggy pants or that muumuu.

if you want to do it, then do it.

enjoy it, embrace it, embrace you.

xo

buying slow fashion on a stay-at-home mom budget

i was fed the lie that i needed to constantly buy & believed it wholeheartedly. 

my journey to an intentional wardrobe began with the want for less. over the past few years i've been working towards simplification in my life. reflecting on what was taking priority in my life. finding out what things were causing me to stumble in my walk with jesus. wanting to know life, stripped down, away from the noise of commercially driven lifestyles. 

i had recently quit my job to stay home with two of our children at the time. i no longer wore my dress pants for work everyday. i wasn't walking around in heels. i wasn't traveling & spending my free time browsing the local mall. my life had changed & i was ready to change with it. 

i stared at my professional closet full of great deals & super buys & began to plan. (click HERE to see how i got started with my first capsule wardrobe.)

as i started planning my closet takeover, i continually found myself drawn to a couple of company's design ethos over & over. my style was starting to take shape. i started keeping a detailed list of specific items to start saving for & possibly purchase over the next year, broken down by upcoming season & individual cost in the notes on my phone. 

yes i plan specific purchases a year in advance. 

as i started getting acquainted with some of these companies i was admiring, i started learning more about their stance in the fashion industry & their niche in the slow fashion world. read HERE to see what the new york times is saying about slow fashion & the rise of elizabeth suzann & other designers who are pushing back against the pressure to constantly deliver new product. 

one thing was clear, the designers & companies that were producing made-to-order, quality items were carrying a much different price tag than i was used to seeing...but for good reason. 

one top at elizabeth suzann could cost $185. 

here's an estimated breakdown of how that top's price point is determined:  

$63 to produce (labor, material, wastage) + $121 gross profit margin ($103 operating costs + $18 net profit) = $185 price tag

everything you'd ever want to know about how her process & pricing works is detailed & transparent on her website, just click HERE. 

the reality is, me a few years ago would have looked at a $185 price tag on a shirt & laughed at the thought of actually purchasing it. do you know how many shirts i could buy with that much money?? then it was all about how far i could stretch a dollar. quality didn't matter. fit sorta mattered. longevity was not a priority. i just knew i needed a closet full of clothes because i "never had anything to wear". fast fashion had me.  i didn't know there was any other way.

i finally saved up enough & purchased my first quality linen piece from elizabeth suzann. i was hooked. i suddenly began thinking about the possibility of a capsule wardrobe, a small collection of seasonally appropriate, mix & match clothes. this was something elizabeth suzann believed in & designed for. having pieces like this would make outfit planning so much simpler & more streamlined, saving me time & energy each day. 

no need to call the electrician. the lightbulb just came on. 

i knew in one trip to target i could easily spend $100+ on clothes & accessories. and that was just one trip. if i was bored or wanted something to do with friends, i would shop. i'd browse racks & racks just to see if anything jumped out at me. i'd buy something just because it was cute. i was always hunting for the most amazing deal. the cheaper the price, the greater the deal, the greater the momentary excitement & ultimate dissatisfaction.

over & over again, i'd come home, to my closet full of great deals, and feel unfulfilled, uninspired & quite honestly, frustrated. 

i suddenly realized i didn't need a dozen different cardigans. i didn't always need a new pair of boots just because these were different than the ones i owned. i wanted to stop spending too much money on cheap, trendy purchases that i hated a week later. i wanted to stop thinking that just because something was a good deal meant i needed to buy it. i wanted to purchase items that represented me, that inspired me. i wanted things that would last more than a couple wash & wears. i wanted to break the cycle of buying more & more & more just because it was "in" then throwing half of it in a trash bags months later where it ultimately ended up in a landfill somewhere. 

did you know the average american throws away at least 80 pounds of clothing every year which adds up to almost 26 billion textiles and clothes ending up in landfills. i could go on but just check out what all this fast fashion & our constant buying & dumping is doing to our planet. click HERE. it's a serious problem, folks.

honestly, i was tired. tired of chasing the trends. tired of trying to keep up. i wanted a few key pieces that made me feel confident, kept me feeling comfortable & would last longer than one season.

so how do i buy slow fashion on a stay-at-home mom's budget???

we are a family of seven living on a principal's salary. i take home a little income on the side but it's only about $30 a month. when i began purchasing for my intentional wardrobe, i didn't automatically have cash sitting around & i don't use credit cards. i saved any money i got for my birthday (thanks grandma). i put back some money i received at christmastime (thanks parents). it all-eventually-added up! patience is important & i appreciate the amount of time it takes me to save because it ensures that what i'm planning to purchase is something i truly want to invest in. 

another way i've been able to generate some savings for my new wardrobe may be obvious but it has made all the difference in me being able to purchase a few new quality pieces in the beginning. i sold my old clothes. and coats. and shoes. and purses. it was all part of the simplifying process for me. not gonna lie, it wasn't easy making the choice to let go of some things, but NEVER HAVE I EVER looked back & thought, dang, i wish i still had that. the more i let go. the easier it got. the clearer my goals became. i sold some of my nicer things (top brands in great condition) online for maximum selling price potential, then i had yard sale after yard sale. if some of the nicer items didn't sell right away, i put them back for a month or so & tried again. i was okay with working slowly on getting the most cash out of my things because they would be funding my new purchases. that helped jumpstart me financially. 

after i started making some specific purchases based on my "what am i looking for" shopping list,  i would reevaluate each item in my closet at the end of every season. if a piece of clothing wasn't working out, then it was sold to fund a new purchase. the same went for if i wanted to add another item to my closet...something else needed to go. this thought process really made me think about the versatility & quality of clothing i was buying. 

now, please don't think this means i have taken an oath against purchasing anything from any big chain stores. (at least i haven't yet ;p) i have a cardigan that i found at walmart that i love, a denim button up i've had for years that i bought from a kmart & a pair of booties that i got from a cato's store YEARS ago that i'm going to wear until they fall apart. it doesn't have to be so black & white. it's not about following anyone's "rules" but i think it is important to do something with the knowledge you have. to make better choices once you understand the ways things work. 

i've also embraced the fact that i am never going to have a perfect, forever wardrobe. i was frustrated that i was buying & selling at the end of every season, but the reality is my taste will evolve through the seasons & over the years. it's not about getting to a place of forever contentment, but it is about changing shopping habits. it's about making conscientious choices. about being intentional. about putting my money where my mouth is. about supporting small business. supporting women-run businesses. supporting companies who care about our carbon footprint. supporting designers who are bucking the overtly sensual design of clothing & actually designing for curvy women (click HERE to see more on elizabeth suzann's diversity campaign & HERE for more about my experience in participating in it).

these things are important when we talk about where our money is going & need to be part of a bigger conversation.

plus, i'm just plain tired of the fast fashion retailers telling us what to do.

;)

*we, as women, are more than just great deal hunters.*