a confession & a message of hope

this message brought to you by emma

recently a friend of mine got some difficult & scary news about her sweet momma. and when she texted me to pray, i was on it. i quickly let some prayer warriors know (if you don't know any, get some) to start praying. when i went to text her back, i found myself without words. nothing to reply with. weird for me. i'm almost never without words (just ask my husband). but seriously, nothing. and when i told my husband i didn't know what to say to her i assumed it was because of the shock of the news; but truly, it was because my well was dry. i, myself, had not been faithfully seeking God. 

after our bible study finished this summer, i had planned to read a few new books i had picked up & had multiple places in the bible i wanted to study. just as satan would have it, i did none of it. one day of busyness, turned to two. two days turned to three and soon i had a whole new "routine"...and it didn't include a quiet time. 

it's a constant battle. 

me vs. myself.

me vs. Satan.

me vs. the world

i won't win through my own strength. 

i must seek His strength.

then the victory is ours.  

and the glory is His.

i mean really:

can i be disciplined enough to meet with God daily? 

can i sacrifice time out of my day for Him who sacrificed everything for me? 

how can we minister to others if we aren't in communion with Him?

when i'm not seeking him daily, life is full of chaos. full of despair. full of anger & loneliness. life seems clouded and without purpose, BUT when i'm in Him...

there is hope. 

there is grace. 

there is a chance for forgiveness. 

there is purpose in the storms. 

there is reason for the trails. 

there is light in the darkness. 

and, today, when i broke down & opened my heart in a prayer of repentance & thankfulness, it was there...that fresh breath of HOPE. it was there in the song i heard on the radio. it was there in the bible verse i just happened to see on my daughter's bedroom wall. and it would be there in the text message i was about to send my friend: HOPE.

i prayed & searched the scriptures. then i stopped & just reached for Him...tired & thirsty & heavyhearted. and He held me. {Romans 8:26} my well was filling. my eyes were filling. my once dry well was overflowing. 

i was overflowing with grace. 

i was overflowing with thankfulness.

i was overflowing with humility in repentance.

i was overflowing with praise. 

i have spent the last two weeks in utter frustration with our daughter. Her ADHD is getting the better of her (and us). she's been off medication for a couple of years now (thank you Jesus) but between a new school this year, joining volleyball, homework, getting a new dog, her chores...i think it has been a lot of change for her to deal with all at once. i wanted her to try harder and focus better. and i found myself being that parent i'm always complaining about in the movies (and in real life) who constantly pushes their kid instead of guiding in patience & in love. i was getting aggravated and angry and resentful towards her. then i felt guilty for feeling & acting that way. 

you see...she's a sweet child with a heart for Christ, but she sure hasn't seen Christ in me the past couple of weeks. i am so thankful that when i fall short, she knows to turn to Christ who will never fail her. what a humbling experience to walk into her room this morning and see that message & verse wrote on her wall. she gave me HOPE.

i know God allowed these last two trying weeks to happen for a purpose but i reacted like a spoiled child throwing a hissy fit, crossing my arms & pouting in the corner, alone. i had no grace to extend to our daughter because i wasn't accepting His grace in my life. i wasn't seeking His face. i wasn't seeking His strength. i was living in my own feelings & that's one of the worse things we can do as a follower of Christ. living in my feelings will always lead me away from Christ & further into darkness. i need to live through my faith not through my feelings.

i am constantly reminded that i can't get through this life on my own. i mean, i can, but i would be in a constant state of emergency. 

we can't live in victory if we're stuck in defeat. 

and Satan wants to defeat us...no, he wants to completely destroy us. he wants to keep us depressed, insecure & removed from others. it's easier for him to whisper his lies into our ears when we are vulnerable & alone. he wants us to live in bondage. he wants to rob us of HOPE. he doesn't want us to live in the freedom that Christ offers. he wants our relationships to fail & our lives to crumble. he wants us to live selfishly & stuff our lives with things that fill us, instead of that which truly feeds us. 

then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty." {John 6:35}

i praise Jesus for i never have to thirst.
i praise Jesus for His love, His grace & His HOPE.
i praise Jesus for never leaving me & for patiently waiting on me (over & over) to return to Him.
i praise Jesus for life's trials that often bring us back to Him.
i praise Jesus for His perfect plan in our lives.

Seek The Lord and

Seek His strength

Seek His face

Continually

Psalms 105:4

*** if you have a moment, join me in prayer for my friend's mother. she is a faithful follower of Christ & has given this situation over to God. we pray for strength, answers, healing & for all members of the family who are also being touched by this.