prone to wander...

...Lord i feel it, prone to leave the God i love.

i find myself constantly, slowly, unknowingly moving "things" into my line of vision. filling my time. consuming my heart. there is that constant battle within. society vs. scripture. feelings vs. faith. flesh vs. spirit. we all have this tendency within ourselves to search for identity/security/acceptance horizontally (among the world) for what we can only get vertically (direct from God).

what are we using to identify ourselves?

what defines who i am?

a career?

my church?

my husband?

our children?

my looks?

...success?

it should be Christ. Christ alone.

this quote from Paul David Tripp says it all too perfectly:

If I am seeking to get identity from you, I will watch you too closely, listen to you too intently, and need you too fundamentally...And because I am watching you too closely, I will become acutely aware of your weaknesses and failures. I will become overly critical, frustrated, disappointed, hopeless, and angry. I will be angry not because you are a sinner but because you have failed to deliver the one thing I seek from you: identity. But none of us will ever get the well-being that comes from knowing who we are from our relationships. Instead we will be left with damaged relationships filled with hurt, frustration and anger.” 

once we begin to look vertically (to God) for our identity, we can finally start living a life full of joy. no, not happiness, but pure joy. we can have joy through unhappiness. we can have peace through turmoil. it comes from the Holy Spirit. it comes from seeking God first in our lives. it comes when we decide that pleasing God is more important than pleasing people: our parents, our spouse, our pastor, our friends...our kids...or even ourselves.

do you believe Jesus died for your sins? do you believe he died to give you hope for an eternity in heaven? well, yes, He did...but what about the here? the now? let me introduce you to what Tripp calls the "nowism" of the gospel. the good news that Jesus came down to earth to sacrifice His life, out of love, and so that we can have a life-transforming relationship with God. here. now.

the nowism of the gospel. it's alive and breathing and moving...and changing lives.

we cannot live in our past: leafing through the pages of our lives. dwelling on conversations we had. things we wished we would've said. things we never did.

we cannot worry about our future: conjure up scenarios. worry about things that are out of our control. play out every possible reaction or scenario. what we will say. what we would do. the what-ifs can be killer.

if life is a battlefield of the mind, then we must take control of our thoughts, feelings & actions. let's stop letting our feelings rule our lives and instead allow our faith to guide us. through Christ we have the power to overcome. through Christ we have the influence of the Holy Spirit. think about it: the same Holy Spirit that brought the Son of God back to life from the dead...lives inside you & me...if we have invited him in. wow.

we are in charge of the here & now. think about it: our here & now dictates our soon-to-be past. our here & now is fulfilling our coming future.  let's seek & accept God's perfect plan for our lives. let's let His amazing Grace transform us along the way. 

let's live in the nowism of the gospel.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light

1 Peter 2:9

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, 

in accordance with his pleasure and will.

Ephesians 1:4-5

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, 

which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:10

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 

1 Samuel 16:7

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might 

become the righteousness of God.

2 Corinthians 5:17-21

a very diy birthday

it might have been sometime in february when our girls mentioned that they wanted an adventure time birthday party (mind you, both of their birthdays are in april).  so, we collected all the adventure time kids meal toys when mcdonald's had them (although i figured they would change their minds on a theme). well, thank goodness we did because the theme stuck. and that was all the adventure time decorations i could find on short notice.

i had already bought some super cute pates, napkins & paper straws from target (not really knowing what the "theme" for their party might end up being). new challenge: make whatever i bought pass as an adventure time party.

keep in mind, i had no intention of spending excessively on decorations...you see, we have downsized birthday "productions" (as i like to call them), as well as christmas gifts this past year (another post for another day). not that there's anything wrong with a good party. we did big parties for years. but it's just not we are as a family right now. so...kid-friendly food, at our home, with our family, plus grandmas, and that's about it. 

the morning of the party, i set off on a mad-dash scavenger hunt around our house to find what i could  make work for our theme -not wanting to spend any more money- i was really relying on my creativity to pull through for me.

i went to my party supply basket on the laundry room shelf (ya know, the one we all keep full of random streamers, old cake candles, unused table cloths and maybe some random balloons if we're lucky). my search yielded a couple of tablecloths and some fun birthday banners. 

amanda-1
birthday-0

i love being able to utilize my chalkboard wall for parties! such an easy (and free) way to tie in a birthday theme. also, i get to draw (which i love) plus it's a very personal and homemade touch.

i love my inside twinkle lights and wanted to keep/use them for the party (gives a special, festive feel), but i hated the ugly wire hanging down along the wall...solution: i hung one of the cute tablecloths i found in my supply basket on the wall. boom. backdrop.

lucky for me...the day before i had just picked up a walmart site-to-store order and had 2 huge boxes and lots of brown paper filler. lightbulb! use the brown paper filler to make the treehouse tree from adventure time. i went out to our trash and quickly recovered the boxes and filler and found them still in great condition (thank goodness it hadn't rained yet).

using the filler, i created a makeshift tree. i attached it to the walls using thumbtacks. my son was watching me and immediately realized what i was doing (thank goodness he could tell it was a tree)...until he asked me where the leaves were. hmmm...i didn't have any green streamers...only white & red. but i did find 3 sheets of green tissue paper. and guess what, apparently tissue paper  tears in perfect strips--like streamers. boom. leaves for ma treehouse.

oh & don't forget the 2 huge boxes from walmart. used one of the boxes to make "bmo" from adventure time (basically it's like an animated gameboy or something). my sister came over early and helped me finish coloring it. the girls walked in from school & went nuts over it. 

i remembered the night before that our oldest daughter had drawn all the characters from adventure time...and they were awesome! and she had even colored them! perfect! i cut them out & placed them on the backdrop. easy & free way to tie in the theme. 

our oldest daughter also had picked some beautiful flowers for her sister. she arranged them in a bottle, tied a ribbon around it & wrote a little note for her. what a great centerpiece it made for their party. 

amanda-7
birthday-0

i kicked some birthday booty.

so, while it was a bit of a last-minute scramble, it turned out great. the girls loved the decorations. hubs loved that i stayed on budget. i loved using my own hands to create something with love for my girls. family came over & we had a great evening together. 

food: simple. pizza & chips. (my mom also brought some watermelon & chex mix)

drinks: kool-aid (we never have kool-aid + my drink dispenser got a leak in it & it went everywhere...amanda-7 birthday-1)

cake: girls wanted iced brownies. i can do that! plus, i picked up some individual ice cream cups, crushed some oreos we had, pulled out the reese's pieces and sprinkles, dice up some strawberries = create your own ice cream buffet!

she loves it when i get in her face midbite.

happy birthday girls! it sure was an adventure.

[note: while i can appreciate the creativity and humor in much of the show adventure time, 

i do not condone all behavior or crude humor that i have since found in a few episodes]

monogamy through the monotony

we had a day date. 

we ate italian, grabbed dessert & caught a movie. it was sunny & warm. we drove around town with the windows down (not listening to the frozen soundtrack). joked about needing coffee to make it through a midday movie (but really though). and welcomed our little ones back refreshed. 

set alarm. wake up. shower. work. lunch break. home. what's for dinner. dishes. kids. baths. rinse & repeat // monday turns into tuesday. tuesday blurs into wednesday. wednesday shuffles to thursday. thursday hails friday. weekends are claimed by laundry and catching up on sleep missed throughout the week.

remember back to when you first saw him. you know, THE ONE. he gets your number. the chase begins. you are pursued. you start dating. there are plans being made for every weekend. calls being made. texts being sent. you are pursued. dinners during the week. little love notes. you are pursued. maybe you get engaged. there are pictures. a party. then planning. there's a wedding. there's a honeymoon. you are pursued. there's a new house, new jobs, even. and maybe some baby news. then, life falls into a familiar rhythm. a routine. maybe a struggle. your goal is to just make it through the day, like, everyday. 

you can see the dark cloud ahead. 

the pursuit has stopped. 

insecurity has set in. 

trust becomes an issue. 

the rain starts to pour. 

here comes the storm.

being in a relationship means 2 people with 2 different needs, 2 different attitudes, 2 different beliefs, 2 different ways of thinking, decide it's worth it. it's worth the risk. worth putting yourself out there. letting your freak flag fly. this is the person i want to hold on to during life's storms.

the keys: priorities & pursuit

you must put God first. 

i truly & sincerely cannot and do not want to downplay God's role in a successful relationship. i have been married too long, been through too much not to stress the importance of BOTH of you seeking Christ in your life. Learning more about God, falling more in love with Him, is the only true way to learn how to love. We can never love others the way we should, until we love Him ultimately, passionately, completely. I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE WOULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT HIM. well, yes, i do...we would be divorced. maybe that sounds harsh, but it's true. it took God's grace & divine forgiveness to move in our hearts. without it we would have been lost.

you must give your spouse your all.

oooh, yep, that's a hard one. because i don't want to be hurt. i don't want to be let down. or judged. or vulnerable. but you have to pour all you've got into it. you've probably heard the saying, "the grass is always greener on the other side" well, you've probably also heard, "the grass is green where you water it." the time you invest in the other person matters. daydream about them. be thankful for what you have in them. accept & love them...AS THEY ARE. we are all works in progress. and we will never be perfect. getting to the place where you can both accept each other's weaknesses, support each other through them, and maybe even joke about them, is something special.

you must pursue them.

i think too many times, we just plain get bored. then we make this crazy desperate declaration by branding our hearts with the letters b-o-r-e-d and crying out, "why me? how did this happen?!" it becomes a relationship death sentence for many. a few thoughts: this is not a disney princess film. this is not the notebook. i am not married to ryan gosling. these fictional characters we like to measure reality against (i hate to tell you) AREN'T REAL. i'm just saying i've definitely been guilty of getting mad at hubs because he didn't do something i wished he would have done, because he didn't do it how i thought he should do, because he didn't say something that i wished he would have said...ladies, it has been confirmed, guys CANNOT read our minds. we really should stop expecting them to. we need to talk to them. to express expectation. to express feelings.

we also need to bite boredom in the butt. LET'S DECLARE WAR. schedule regular date nights (get a babysitter & try a new restaurant together). do something spontaneous (like late-night drive thru ice cream). take turns picking out a netflix movie (pop popcorn & snuggle on the couch). it doesn't need to be extravagant or expensive or exemplary...just together. flirt with each other. text each other. act silly. talk about the future. talk about the past. remember why you fell in love. 

forgive.

forget.

labor.
love.

the top secret formula for surviving the monotony?

choosing your spouse.

over and over and over again.

and maybe monotony isn't all bad. maybe that incredible level of comfort that one only gets after years together is what we're all really craving.

if we take the time to slow down & really watch the day move...

to appreciate the sunlight on his face in bed before he showers. knowing you are loved. to be thankful for the 100th white tee shirt you pick up that still smells of him. knowing you are loved. to selflessly wash out his favorite coffee mug that he sips with you each morning. knowing you are loved. to prepare that same dinner again (because he loves it) that he eats at home. with you. every night. knowing you are loved.

...that monotony is beautiful. because it's our monotony. it's our moments. it's our days. it's our life.

it's our choice to see it.

but it's there.

sometimes clouded by us.

but it's there.

sometimes clouded by life.

but it's there.

sometimes you just have to hold on until the clouds pass, so you can truly enjoy the sunlight.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:12

Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:2-3

our kitchen upgrade: before & after

when daydreams become reality... 

since i'm not really sure where to begin...i'll start with this picture i came across of how our kitchen looked when we first moved in...um, yeah...diamond in the rough, perhaps?

everything was green. and not a good green. and there was wallpaper. again, some kind of green flower thing. then a green & mauve navajo print border. and yes, a carpeted kitchen floor...needless to say, we updated the original kitchen to what is pictured below before we even moved in. we just left our rental home that was all white. naturally, i could NOT wait to get our own house & paint everything. and i continued to do so. and have loved it. however, four years later, i am driving my husband crazy because i am loving the all-white look...that we left...and i couldn't stand. isn't that how it goes, though...

our old oven and fridge were both donated to someone in need. 

i loved our stony brown walls with our white cabinets but i was also ready for a bit of a kitchen face lift. side note: our fridge at the time was over 30 years old & starting to fall apart (like tape holding the handles together), so we decided it would be a good time to update our appliances, too (which we've never done). we started with the much-needed fridge, then found the coordinating (double-wha?!) oven.

the face lift has turned into full on surgery. 

the above refrigerator was our temporary fridge until our new one was delivered

i believe it was at this time in the painting process that i realized i wanted to paint my shabby chic cupboard white, as well. (cue husband eye-rolling) i told you, paint it all white. 

one of my hopes when painting everything white (including repainting cabinets) was the line of vision would no longer be stopped at the top of the cabinets where the brown overhead begins. that the eye would continue to move and the whole space would appear bigger. same thought with painting the window trim and space between the cabinets white. beginning and ending lines would disappear and everything would appear bigger. and if i can't actually have more space, then by-golly i will fake it. 

appliances arrive & they are beautiful! and a bit scary. i mean, i've never had new appliances and i'll be honest...i feel so much pressure! i am scared to death i'm going to break something or do something wrong and ruin them. it's like driving a new car off the lot. which, coincidentally, i have never done either. anyway, on with the painting...

thank you to netflix for keeping me entertained during my renovation. i have now watched the entire walking dead series. 

i found that when repainting the cupboard i also felt the need to clean out my shelves & cabinets, too. i like using the cupboard as the main serving hub with our everyday jars (cups), plates, bowls, and utensils. but i wanted to keep a more clean, organized look. and oh, how i love cleaning out. i like to keep what i love & use the most. donate what i don't. keep it simple and intentional. 

this, my friends, is what i was dealing with in our cabinets. weird, old, yellow, contact paper. it was horrendous. i used hot water, soap and a razor blade to peel what i could off before my fingernails started falling off. this small portion shown was finally done...after 3 hours. (i know there are adhesive removal agents out there, but i was impatient and didn't want to go to the store again.) so i decided to leave the rest in the cabinets and just paint over it. maybe not the most professional advice but that's real. and it looks great and you can't even tell so i don't even care. 

you know what they say about curiosity.

okay, STOP. so, we bought the ikea butcher block countertops. chickened out of the whole diy thought. but God blessed us with an awesome friend who stepped in & helped us...is that still, technically, diy?? i don't know. maybe "dit" do-it-together?? anyway, he even mitered the corner for us! huge deal. cherry on top. i was holding my breath the whole day. just waiting for him to say it can't be done or wasn't going to work, but shame on me! it did. 

i woke up the next morning...and the morning after that...still shocked to find these glorious countertops in my kitchen. i just can't believe all that pinning on pinterest was actually for something!

yes, here she is, friends. let me introduce you to Bessy, the farmhouse sink. i want to bathe in her.

how is it that a faucet can be so inspirational? i mean, i kind of feel like a real chef. i could probably make some fabulous dish every night now purely due to this faucet. (i believe that was the driving force behind my husband agreeing to it.) and yes, after much debate, we decided, what the hey & finally bought this magnetic knife rack. and we're both so glad we did. we love it. 

i pinned a few old recipe cards above the stove that are wrote in my grandma's handwriting. script = instant art 

changing hardware is one of the quickest, easiest & most affordable ways to update & personalize your kitchen.
these beauties were found on sale at hobby lobby.

after thought: decided to include a (very unstaged) picture of the small space between our fridge and light switch wall (see below). when you are limited with space, you have to use every inch you can (preferably while looking cute & without looking cluttered). using this bar cart from ikea, i can store & access paper goods quickly & easily. using a hook on the wall above, i can decoratively store plastic bags for easy access. 

   

opposite wall. above kitchen table

God has certainly blessed us with the means by which we have had to take care of the home he has provided for us. and while it is easy to complain about what we don't have or covet what others have, it is truly humbling to know he has given us what we need & more. i thoroughly enjoy decorating and providing a warm, welcoming home for our family & others. 

shoutout to hubs for seeing my vision & running with it! i love your face. 

as our lives change & our family grows, our home grows with us. it changes, matures & reflects who we are as people, as a family. 

The wise woman builds her house, 

but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

Whoever fears the Lord walks uprightly,

but those who despite him are devious in their ways.    

Proverbs 14:1

in the middle of ordinary

a rough night. sick again. crying for momma through the dark. sleeping late into the morning. 

the sun is bright. wooden chimes clang. birds sing. he begs. 

he wants to go for a walk. 

giddy with anticipation as we put on our shoes. he says, "we're really going now, right, mom."

i can't help but think, what a small request. what an easy feat. all he wants is a warm walk beside me.

passing homes in sherbet colors. we talk about the blooming trees. fascinate at the rocks. step over puddles left from earlier spring showers. jump at barks from neighbors yards. collect sticks. stop for cars. waves. hellos. we stop to smell the flowers. sitting under our favorite tree. then through the hole in the fence. home for midday bubble baths. 

the little things. the quiet moments. seeing the extraordinary in the ordinary. 

the hunt

it's april. 

the air is still cool. the sun is warm. days start earlier. and people emerge from their warm, winter homes. ready to purge. 

early morning drive. coffee in hand. littles arrive at their schools. a few free hours ahead. my eyes start shifting to homemade signs on yard sticks. hidden jewels scattered among rolling green hills.

it's rummage sale season. 

maybe it's the memories i have growing up. traveling with my mom and grandma before the sun came up. scanning flea markets, sorting piles, haggling over prices, hauling prizes home. some of my fondest memories (and funniest stories) are from random adventures with them. 

in honor of this wonderful time of the year, here are my finds from my first sale of the season. all for less than $20 (mexican burlap coffee bean bag not pictured).

copper, sterling, turquoise, oh my!

happy hunting y'all!

a sunday at home

so sometimes i take pictures (alright, like, all the time) and then decide to use them for IG and then realize the IG post is turning into more of a blog post and then i wish i would have known it would turn into a blog post so i could have taken more/better pictures to begin with...does that make sense? just had to put that out there. any who...

i hope you're enjoying a beautifully relaxing sunday with your family. we are trying to be more intentional with our sundays. trying not to plan things for that day. trying to be together without an agenda. it's so hard. but it's worth it when it works. a true day of rest.

today: after church we headed to my mom's for lunch. after inviting us, i realize how long it had been since we had done that. actually, i couldn't remember the last time we did that. it had been too long then. the memory of her fried chicken filling the house with its aroma, the sound of the mixer mashing the potatoes, and the sudden hope of cream corn from their garden flew to mind. there's nothing quite like going home.

there's something special about this season of our lives. about our parents becoming grandparents. about our kids getting to know our moms & dads. about my babies staying the night in the home i grew up in. sleeping in my old room. playing in my yard.

there's something special about sitting at a table with my husband and my sister discussing life, school & puppies. about missing my brother & texting him about what in the world our neighbors dogs name was (i'm pretty sure it started with a "c"). about my baby sister & i realizing we have the same shirt and talking about the books we've just read.

there's something special about being an adult in my parents life. about sharing the same concerns they do. struggling with the same things they do. sharing what God's doing in both our lives. something special about conversing with my dad about his retirement plans and getting to be a part of that transition in his life.

there's something special about overhearing my dad talk to my daughter about the importance of baptism now that she has the Holy Spirit living in her heart. listening to my mom remind my son for the third time to wash up before eating. something special about them making memories of their own together. getting to know each other. learning from each other.

yup, there's something special in this season alright and there's nothing quite like going home.  

Pay close attention, friend, to what your father tells you;

never forget what you learned at your mothers knee.

Wear their counsel like flowers in your hair,

like rings on your fingers.

Proverbs 1:8-9