6.26.2015

summer at summersville


so we survived our first vacation with a newbie. or maybe i should say that olive survived her first vacation with us. it was fun telling the restaurants that we were a party of 6. the kids enjoyed pointing out that everything we did was the first time for her. 

"it's her first time in west virginia."
"it's her first time in a hotel."
"it's her first time in a bathing suit."

you get the point. it was...endearing.

so being married to a history major is fun. it means you will be seeing all state & national parks on your way to & from, well, anywhere. hubs was born in west virginia (don't hold that against him) so over the years we have done quite a few "tours" of wv. but this summer was going to be the summer of baby. we knew she would be coming the beginning of june, therefore we weren't planning on doing any type of vaca. weeell, she came a little early which threw vacation plans back in the mix. maybe just a mini-vaca??

our first plans: lake erie. we had been wanting to go there anyway so we made reservations. then, the reports of unsafe water. so we cancelled. but didn't want to give up the idea of getting away for a few days. we had friends who had been to summersville lake in wv & loved it. it was already on our go-to-someday list. we called hawks nest state park lodge & thankfully we were able to make a reservation for the same days we had planned to be at lake erie. 

day 1: we waited till the last minute to pack (gosh i just dread packing for myself + 3 kids + a newborn). we made a morning stop at cracker barrel (why do their fried apples taste so good), let the kids pick something out at their general store (they all picked gum of all things), checked in at the lodge (surprising nice! upgraded our room for just 13 more dollars-so glad we did-the more room, the better), changed into bathing suits, saw a lighthouse & headed to the lake (storms unfortunately put a stop to that). we made it back to the room, fed our complimentary raccoons, ate dinner with a view of the gorge (kids enjoyed free ice cream) & rented spongebob out of water (thumbs down). finally, we (i) slept like a champ (their beds were so comfy). 

day 2: complimentary breakfast (not so gluten-free friendly), let the kids pick out something at the gift shop (all 3 got slingshots...) & momma got a homemade essential oil bath bomb, got dressed for the lake again, spent the day in the sun (getting toasted), grabbed food and milkshakes at fat eddie's, continued swimming at the lodge & enjoyed an early bedtime for everyone.

day 3: momma got tudor's, we hit babcock state park (fought off hordes of mosquitoes), saw the new river gorge bridge (kids became junior park rangers), stopped at hawk's nest overlook (while i fed baby), checked out kanawha falls then ended the day having a popper burger at fat patty's (why are all of the restaurant's named fat-something?? i'm starting to get a complex).

all in all, a good first trip as a family of 6.  


so after every trip (or movie we see), we all take turns saying our favorite part. here's the verdict:

kennedy: becoming a junior ranger & spending time with olive
lincoln: becoming a junior ranger
emma: climbing rocks at the waterfall & feeding the raccoons
bray: swimming at the lake (minus the sunburn)
mine: getting two nights of amazing sleep in there comfy beds


happy first shamblin vaca olive!

(i miss you already beds at hawks nest state park lodge. zzzzz)




6.22.2015

the "p" word

it's been a month now since our sweet number 4 joined the fam. i can't believe how much faster time flies with each kid. i wonder how the dugger's feel. like does their week feel more like a day? it has to be terribly difficult to measure time in that family. or maybe time is a completely abstract concept to them thus rendering it quantitatively irrelevant. whoa.


but back to bringing home baby. in the first couple weeks after bringing little olive home, it was blissful. i mean, for one, i wasn't pregnant anymore, so there was that. but we were all so smitten with this tiny baby burrito. and she was a good baby (are there bad babies?? lol). she didn't cry all the time like her sister. she didn't projectile vomit like her brother. she didn't even need a binky. and i specifically remember thinking, i thought this was going to be hard or something.

i.e. baby burrito
alas, postpartum.

ladies (and gents?), google is my best friend. well, maybe not my best friend, but definitely like my best doctor/therapist/personal shopper/english teacher buddy. i was having an wicked ugly day. oh my gosh, i could not stand anyone. no, that's not accurate. i could have killed anyone. wait, i don't think you're supposed to post things like that (i watch a lot of dateline). you get the point. it was an UGLY day in the shamblin house. my poor peeps. then, like a stroke of lightning i remembered all that i had learned (and so obviously supressed) with the first 3 children...postpartum. things had been going so wonderfully i guess i forgot that i was still vulnerable. so in true modern-day mother-like fashion, i googled postpartum on ma smartphone. (HOW DID THE PIONEERS DO IT SANS GOOGLE)

okay, so there's postpartum depression AND postpartum anxiety. now i'm reading from the first source that pops up after you search postpartum, so if you're a mom, you've probably clicked and read the same link that i am sharing from.

first thoughts on finding out i could be dealing with postpartum depression AND postpartum anxiety: "great, there's a difference?!"
"great, there's multiple issues that i'm having?!"
"great, at least i'm not crazy!"
"great, there's a good chance i actually don't hate everyone and want to end it all right now."

so they also tell you that these 2 things are comorbid...yes, they actually use the word "comorbid." it means, you can have both problems or just one or just a little of one and a little of the other or all of both...basically, we can't pinpoint have crazy you are feeling.

also, you can be experiencing these "symptoms" anytime within 12 months of having a baby...there's something about that statement that make me wants to throat punch my husband.

so here we go. the "short" version of possible postpartum depression symptoms:

  • You feel overwhelmed.  You feel like you just can’t handle being a mother.  You may be wondering whether you should have become a mother in the first place.
  • You feel guilty because you believe you should be handling new motherhood better than this.  You feel like your baby deserves better.  You worry whether your baby can tell that you feel so bad, or that you are crying so much, or that you don’t feel the happiness or connection that you thought you would.  You may wonder whether your baby would be better off without you.
  • You don’t feel bonded to your baby. 
  • You can’t understand why this is happening.  You are very confused and scared.
  • You feel irritated or angry. You have no patience. Everything annoys you.  You feel resentment toward your baby, or your partner, or your friends who don’t have babies. You feel out-of-control rage.
  • You feel nothing. Emptiness and numbness. You are just going through the motions.
  • You feel sadness to the depths of your soul. You can’t stop crying, even when there’s no real reason to be crying.
  • You feel hopeless, like this situation will never ever get better. You feel weak and defective, like a failure.
  • You can’t bring yourself to eat, or perhaps the only thing that makes you feel better is eating.
  • You can’t sleep when the baby sleeps, nor can you sleep at any other time. Or maybe you can fall asleep, but you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep no matter how tired you are.  Or maybe all you can do is sleep and you can’t seem to stay awake to get the most basic things done. 
  • You can’t concentrate. You can’t focus. You can’t think of the words you want to say. You can’t remember what you were supposed to do. You can’t make a decision. You feel like you’re in a fog.
  • You feel disconnected. You feel strangely apart from everyone for some reason, like there’s an invisible wall between you and the rest of the world.
  • You might be having thoughts of running away and leaving your family behind. Or you’ve thought of driving off the road, or taking too many pills, or finding some other way to end this misery.
  • You know something is wrong. You think you’ve “gone crazy”.
  • You are afraid that this is your new reality and that you’ve lost the “old you” forever.
  • You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you. Or that your baby will be taken away.
where's that little emoji face with the big shocked eyes when i need it. "sadness to the depths of my soul." "out of control rage." "finding some way to end this misery." birth control??? let husbands read these lists.

alright, so if postpartum depression issues aren't cutting it, then you can also be experiencing the fun times associated with postpartum anxiety/postpartum ocd: 

  • Your thoughts are racing. You can’t quiet your mind. You can’t settle down. You can’t relax.
  • You feel like you have to be doing something at all times. Cleaning bottles. Cleaning baby clothes. Cleaning the house. Doing work. Entertaining the baby. Checking on the baby.
  • You are worried. Really worried.  All. The. Time. No matter what anyone says to reassure you it doesn’t help.
  • You may be having disturbing thoughts. Thoughts that you’ve never had before.  Scary thoughts that make you wonder whether you aren’t the person you thought you were. 
  • You are afraid to be alone with your baby because of scary thoughts or worries.  You are also afraid of things in your house that could potentially cause harm, like kitchen knives or stairs.
  • You may feel the need to check things constantly.
  • You may be having physical symptoms like stomach cramps or headaches, shakiness or nausea.  You might even have panic attacks.
  • You feel like a captive animal, pacing back and forth in a cage. Restless.  On edge.
  • You can’t eat.  You have no appetite.
  • You’re having trouble sleeping.  You are so, so tired, but you can’t sleep.
  • You feel a sense of dread, like something terrible is going to happen.
  • You know something is wrong. You think you’ve “gone crazy”.
  • You are afraid that this is your new reality and that you’ve lost the “old you” forever.
  • You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you.  Or that your baby will be taken away.
why doesn't anyone actually explain to us the craziness that ensues after this perfect, precious bundle arrives?  and all this emotional and psychological distress on top of trying to actually take care of the tiny human? and if you're already a mom, then taking care of all the other tiny humans that you are responsible for. dang. we deal with all of this & our husband's don't leave us & our kid's still love us & no one dies. mom's are boss.

so if you just had a baby, already have babies, are getting ready to have a baby, or may possibly in the future have a baby, remember this...you are not alone...and apparently, not actually crazy (unless you are, in fact, crazy which in case you should admit you do have a problem & seek immediate professional help--BUT HOW DO WE REALLY KNOW). i'll just stop there.

i will tell you this. the ocd is working in my favor right now. even though i can't really sleep/truly rest, my closet has never looked better! plus i am destroying the laundry piles...& hopefully not my marriage (i kid. but really).

you may now return to your regularly posted instagram pics of beautiful babies & perfect moms.

god bless us every one.





6.20.2015

what almost 30 feels like


in exactly one month i will be 30.


what a strange concept. it definitely doesn't sound right. but age is such a surreal thing to me. do you ever really "feel" your age?

is this what almost 30 "feels" like...

...like when we you get back from vacation & you can't wait to sleep in your own bed with your ikea ortho-pillow.

nope? just me?

well, i look forward to it. that pillow & our routine.

hold up. who am i? routine?? i used to hate the monotony of it. now i welcome the familiar & ordinary. is this something that comes with age? craving home & order. or is it, perhaps, that we appreciate those things more over time?

for me, i suppose almost 30, in a way, is exactly how i thought it'd be:
a sorted life...husband, kids, house...and i suppose even the stay at home mom gig (although i would have never told you that if you would have asked). you see, when my mom was 30, she had my brother & i and left teaching to stay home with us until we started school. so i suppose in my head that's what 30 looked like. i did, however, imagine a lot more baking at 30 than i am currently doing...i probably should work on that. again, those expectations come from my mom & her high baking standards.
on the one hand, i am completely scared of saying the words, "i'm 30." on the other hand, there is so much freedom that comes with being 30. the 20's were fun (and thinner & tanner) but we had a young, growing family, and well, growing up is hard to do. we had kids at such a young age it gives us a bit of a different memory of what "20" looked like compared to most of our friends. at 30 we're so much farther along in our relationship & understanding of each other as a couple. at 30 we've already experienced so much as parents. at 30 we know where we stand on our boundaries as a family & a couple. there's a lot of freedom in 30 for me.

it's like we've been playing our avatars in this game of life & have finally mastered level 20 & get to go to the superstar level 30. we've wove our way through the maze, fell in a few pitfalls, but super-jumped out & received bonus points. level 30 will be packed with its own obstacles, but we get to use all we've learned on level 20 to run headfirst into level 30.
almost 30 means i care less & less around makeup and hair. i'm down to powder & mascara. my hair may or may not get washed--it may just be in a ball cap. eyeshadow is basically reserved for special occasions.
almost 30 means i have less & less patience with drama. i guess i feel like we should all be passed it by this point...or at least should know how to maturely deal with issues. apparently, that's completely unrealistically. maybe that should be a requirement in high school: Introduction to Dealing with Drama. 
almost 30 means i had my first experience where my 12 year old knew about something that i had never heard of...it used to be the other way around. 
almost 30 means i feel exactly the same as i did when i was 18. 
i guess i always thought when you "grow up" you change, but you don't. however, my perspective on many things has changed. the obstacles i've dealt with, the issues i've had to face have definitely changed my understanding & point of view on most things.

i have age to thank for that.

besides, maybe my kids will be as bad as i am about remembering my parents' ages & they can forever tell everyone that i'm 29. i'd be okay with that, too.




6.05.2015

the night an olive was born

well, none of that went as planned.

read at your own risk.

one day you're taking your 37 week maternity pic and the next day you're holding this tiny human who was living inside of you. still so weird to me. i mean, mind-blowingly amazing, of course, but yeah, weird.


i feel like there's a well-deserved "i told ya so" going right here. i mean, i told everyone since the beginning that i was having this baby at the end of may--even referencing memorial day weekend-- even though my given due date was june 7. 

so...

i told ya so.

now down to the deets:
it was a dark & stormy night...
no.
once upon a time...
no.
it was a thursday...

...may 21 to be exact & i was going to my 37 week check-up. i saw my doc. still at 2 cm. i was told they no longer induce before your due date. (oh no.) i was told to wait and see. apparently i don't like to wait...

so i go home. notice a contraction (braxton hicks? real? idk.) around 1:48. realize i just had one not that long ago. (make mental note of the time). 1:58 another contraction. hmm...exactly 10 minutes apart. (make written note of the time). 2:08 another contraction. crackers, exactly 10 minutes apart. 2:18 another contraction. could this be it? no, it's too early, right?? and they're not getting worse, just steady. 2:2-something another contraction. 2:3-something another. 2:42, 2:49, 3:03, 3:09, 3:19...i'm texting my mother.


long story short(er), i text hubs to get home as soon as he can because i've decided to head into hospital for monitoring. i mean...my other deliveries were all so quick. each quicker than the last. wouldn't it be terrible to wait around & have this baby like on my new couch or in the minivan (or without an epidural). nope, don't feel like making the evening news.

hubs gets home about 5 p.m. i pack up (just in case). i have my mother-in-law come stay with the older kids. we get into labor & delivery around 6 p.m. with me "ouching" the whole drive there.

flash forward:
i'm strapped into the contraction monitor thing. yep, having contractions & they are getting worse. nurses give the go-ahead to start an IV & give me some pain meds to help take the edge off (although i'm convinced all they do is make you dizzy). my water breaks. ON ITS OWN (it's never done that before). i am actually relieved since they kept telling me they could do nothing to help me along since it wasn't my due date. i am sure to tell them of my plans to have an epidural as soon as possible since i didn't get one in time for our son's delivery (that was no fun).

enters anesthesiologist.

he proceeds to break the bad news to me. she's coming too quick & we won't be able to do an epidural. again. meeeeh. (except in reality i am yelling at everyone so it's more like "AHHHHHH!!!!"). i think this is about the time when hubs was calling our family & while on the phone with his dad i start in with the whole wife-in-labor cliche & start yelling at him to get off the phone. i mean, what was he going to do to help, but still, it seemed unfair that while i was being tortured slowly & painfully (maybe not slowly) he could just chat on the phone.

anyway, intrathecal.

google it. i did. 

the anesthesiologist tells me that it will only take him 30 seconds to get it going. (continues screaming through contractions)

it did not.

20 minutes later...(after lots more screaming into nurse peggy's chest) he gets something going.

still yelling Jesus' name, i start to sob. my mom walks into the room. and well, when your mom arrives, you fall apart, right?? even at almost 30.

the nurse checks me again & holy moly there's a baby coming out. (hence all the screaming people!)

my mom leaves the room. hubs takes his position. it's about 10 p.m. i push 3 times. and there she is. with her perfectly tiny, round head. (i really think we deserve a refund on that anesthesia.)


Olive Deering Shamblin
May 21, 2015
6 lbs. 13 oz.
19 1/2 in.
10:16 p.m.

(i'm glad i'm typing all this out because i will undoubtedly forget it all in a matter of months. our poor other kids.)

awww, so sweet. it's all over now. rainbows & unicorns & newborn babies. 

unfortunately, no.

and i'm sorry if i'm ruining childbirth for anyone else. EVERY BABY & DELIVERY IS DIFFERENT. i had 4 & they were all different. 

so apparently, there's this thing called a spinal headache that you can get from anesthesia or you get it from an anesthesiologist stabbing multiple needles into your spine or something. anyway, i got it. 
(i guess i was in the 2% of people who have trouble with an intrathecal or whatever. the anesthesiologist kept telling me over & over & over how this never happens to him & how he's done over 2,000 of these & never had a problem...blah blah blah. i will not be sending him a christmas card. sorry.)
and the worse-headache-of-my-life lasted for a week straight. for the first 48 hours, i couldn't even be upright plus i had this pounding in my head & the sound of running water/marching bands in my ears. oh & 12 hours after delivery i got some kind of terrible virus & was throwing up/having diarrhea for 24 hours (tmi??) & had to get a shot for the nausea. but then i was already dehydrated & unable to nurse & i barely remember any of the visitors that came by & had to spend the 2nd night away from baby girl. yeah, it was a bit of a rough start.

flashback to our 1st night in the hospital with our sweet girl (before everything hit):

hubs & i stayed up most of the night staring at her. really unable to believe that she came so early. and that all of that just happened. and that she was really there. it's a bit of a shock--even with the fourth--no, especially with the fourth. i'll never forget...
it was about 5 a.m. & we were in our recovery suite on the 3rd floor of the hospital. the east-facing wall of our room was a wall of windows & sun was just rising over our town. i was laying next to hubs in the king size bed with our new little squish between us. we were acting like it was our first baby. staring at her. giggling whenever she moved or made a noise. and i looked into hubs sleepy eyes & whispered...i'm done. ;)

yes, 4 sounds like a good number. and i know you never ask a women right after delivery if she wants to have more, but i really feel like we're done. i haven't had this feeling of completeness after any of the other babies. but now, i feel pretty maxed out...physically, emotionally.

so she's here & we're all gaga over her. brother doesn't stop kissing her head. little big sis loves to burp her. and big sis loves to hold her & feed her. dad's an old pro at diaper changes. everything just comes back to you. i'd say it's like riding a bike, but maybe it's more like riding a unicycle because that seems a little harder...like you should pedal fast & balance would be important. (i've never rode a unicycle.)

let the ridiculous amount of picture taking commence.


(i'm so glad we got that nursery done.)