hey look, it's a stretch mark

hi guys, it's me, amanda. did you forget i blog? i did. anyways, thanks for hanging around & checking in! here's what i've been up to...

so everyone's asleep & i'm doing my nightly facial routine (by nightly i mean i do it some nights when i feel like i need to get my skin under control).

[side note: why am i 31 & still dealing with acne. whyyyyyyyy.] 

as i put my hair up, i discover a brand new, bright & shiny stretch mark staring at me in the mirror. on the underside of my arm. there it is. i kinda stood there & just stared at it. kind of thinking, maybe i'll try wiping it off. then i started running through a list of things that require me to lift my arm that maybe i'll never do again in the presence of people. then, as though going through the stages of grief, i got angry. like, "can i not catch a break, here?!" "i thought the pregnancy shenanigans were over." "why is this happening to me?!" "maybe i'll finally get a tattoo & it can cover it up."

i guess that's the thing with motherhood. sometimes crap happens. i mean, sometimes you're literally dealing with crap. like the other night when i was co-bathing (i'm sure that's a thing) my sweet little baby girl & she decided to poop & then pee all over me. but sometimes you can be surprised by the daily crap that can get you down. like finding a shiny new stretch mark. leaving you with a sudden feeling of insecurity & despair.

i'll just say this:

i'll be the one waving hello to you with their white jiggly arm. i'll be the one throwing my baby in the air with my soft yet capable arms. i'll be the one hugging my oldest with my stretch-mark covered arms when she tells me goodnight.

my motto of late: life's too short.

too short to worry about the muscle to fat ratio of my arms. too short to worry about the number on the scale. too short to worry about all the things that haven't happened yet, but could happen & you think maybe you should worry about them, ya know, just in case.

well, in case you didn't already know, we have four kids & just found out we have another little one on the way.

we had our first child when i was still in high school & we wondered how in the world we were going to do it then.

after hubs & i got married, we were both in college full-time & decided we shouldn't wait any longer to give our firstborn a sibling. so i took a semester off & we had number 2. two kids in college without jobs...we wondered how we were going to do it.

not a month after graduating college, i got my first job. and not a month after that, we were surprised to find out we were expecting number 3. during which time, hubs had quit his job in sales to finally pursue a job in eduction. y'all, he was back to subbing. so 9 months into my first job & hubs taking sporadic work, i'm taking maternity leave & we're having number 3...we wondered how we were going to do it.

i'm guessing you see my point here.

a few years later, i quit my job to stay home with our two littlest ones & we were, once again, surprised by number 4. yes, surprised again! it can happen, okay?! one income & now 4 babes...how are we going to do this??

my point is, we always managed. no one ever went hungry. we always had a roof over our head. we always had clothes on our backs. and life's too dang short for this silly worrying.

each time we added a babe, changed jobs, bought cars, bought a house, we trusted in God's timing & provision. we sought his guidance & placed our faith in Him. having babies-or more specifically-getting pregnant isn't by random chance. every life given is allowed by Him. so we trusted that He knew what was up. and ya know what, things always worked out. thanks to Him.

now, here we are getting ready to add number 5 and still have just one income and to be honest, this is the first time when hubs & i are on the same page. we aren't worrying about how we're gonna do it. just trusting that God will walk us through it.

so what am i saying...

i'm not saying have 5 kids, although, BY ALL MEANS. but what i am saying is quit worrying about all those trivial things that literally mean nothing in the grand scheme of life. those stretch marks, those gray hairs, those wrinkles, those plus size jeans, those tiny paychecks, that old car, that unexpected baby...life's too short to worry. embrace life. turn your focus towards others. towards doing good. towards spreading love. let God work in you & your life. it's all about focus. keep your eyes on Him & the stormy waters will be as solid ground. I PROMISE the more you get to know Him, the more you will understand the love He has for you & the more you will be able to love yourself & others. and LOVE is what life is all about.

let go.
and let God.



peace & love, friends xo

womanhood + motherhood + living simply

          

as a woman, motherhood has been part of a self-evolution. i wasn't one who dreamed of having kids or ever thought about being a stay-at-home mom. i figured kids would happen one day...when i was ready. but life can be funny. motherhood came as a complete shock to me at the young age of 17. i was just starting my senior year of high school & i truly wasn't ready for it. i'm still not sure if we ever truly are. it wasn't until recently that i began to comprehend how much i wanted this. that motherhood wasn't something that just happened to me, but something i want for me. to be a mom. to share my life with these little souls. motherhood was something i grew into. that grew on me. 

simplification, as a mother, became a must. simplifying the way i dressed. simplifying my makeup routine. simplifying my hair upkeep. even simplifying my home & our belongings. all of which were adjustments made in hopes of making life a little easier, simpler. and if we were lucky, maybe it'd help us actually get out of the house on time. (HA.) but, for hubs & i, simplification became bigger than just those things. what about the simplification of our schedules? 

over the last 13 years, we've since added 3 more babes to our tribe. during those years, i graduated high school, started college, hubs started college, we both worked side jobs, we both graduated college, we both got full-time jobs, hubs started grad school, our babe started kindergarten, hubs finished grad school, we changed jobs & moved houses...we were busy, you get the picture. wanting to be the best parents we could be, we tried to give our oldest all the experiences life had to offer. we signed her up for everything: cheerleading, basketball, soccer, ballet, softball, talent shows, pretty baby contests, pageants, camps, 4-H...i could go on. as we added children, inevitably more activities filled our calendars. as hubs & i excelled at work, we were given more responsibilities, more conferences to attend, more professional development. as we became more rooted in our community, we joined clubs, we signed up for committees, we sat on boards. we were doing a whole lotta good, y'all.

and there's the rub. 

all those "good" things didn't mean things were "good." 

with all the activities & added responsibilities came a lot of stress, anxiety, guilt & even resentment between hubs & i. we were so busy with events, we barely had time for each other. we had to divide & conquer to get everyone to their activities. we were rarely able to do things together, as a family.

so we began to ask ourselves: how much do we actually value OUR time?

simplifying motherhood meant more than just simplifying my beauty regimen. it meant simplifying every aspect of our lives. for us, simplifying motherhood meant saying no. i started by saying no to my job. we took a leap of faith & i'm so glad we did. we, as a family, started saying no to extracurriculars. saying no to invitations. saying no to obligations. and we, as a family, had to learn to be okay with that. to be okay with maybe "missing out" on events. okay with maybe upsetting people. hoping that our friends, family & even co-workers would understand & respect our decision to respectfully decline. and let me tell ya, what a powerfully freeing feeling it was to start saying no. 

saying no, gave me the courage to start asking why. 

why the constant pressure to be BUSY? why do we feel like we have to do this or have to SIGN UP for that? why are we afraid of MISSING OUT? honestly, it's RARELY the kids who are wanting to do all these activities. what they crave is time WITH US. they want to feel accepted. they want to feel loved. they want to be seen & heard. they don't want the pressure of always having to perform or achieve something that if we're honest, is often for our own validation.  

let me say this: sports, clubs, social committees, etc. aren't bad. our oldest is in middle school & plays sports. our son played preschool tball. our daughter has done the soccer thing. the point is, we, as a family, discuss before committing to anything & constantly reevaluate what is working for us during that season of our life. it's about being intentional with our time. if something isn't working for YOUR family, change it.  if you wish you had more time at home, find it. if life feels like it's out of control, take control.

so i say to you, stressed-out-carpool-bleacher-mom-of-the-year, have courage. be confident in who you are & what you want for your family. be brave in making those hard & often times not-so-popular decisions. be kind with yourself. and the next time you feel the undeniable pressure to sign your kid up for little league soccer, feel free to say no. they'll be just fine without it.

word to yo mama. 

this is a little more like it

originally written in collab with Under a Tin Roof. 

check them out here!

halloween with mom'n tot box

it may be november, but i'm still talkin bout my favorite month! October!

we all love october. we all love the changing of the trees. we love all things pumpkin. but it's always been my favorite. something about the magic in the air around halloween. the day when you can be anything. become anyone. that mostly meant me becoming a princess. or a bride. or a cheerleader. or a ballerina. or a princess. mostly a princess. 

the sound of crunchy leaves under my shoes brings back so many memories of school festivals & neighborhood trick or treating. my mom always made goody bags for the kids who came by our house & there were homemade caramel apples for us & the important job of candy sorting after trick or treat was done. my brother & i were constant companions & competitors. 

this month we got our mom'n tot box full of halloween goodness. if you haven't signed up for a subscription, do it now!