okay, so, remember when i shared the girls room redo here and i said it was a necessary change and that i would later share with you why...??? well, i guess now's the time. except that it's all completely changed.
throughout our marriage we've always kept an open dialogue about adoption and foster care. something we were open to when the time was right. something we would maybe do after the kids were older. well, the thing is, God started stirring up a strong feeling inside of me that the time for action was now. after a lot of prayer and conviction, we decided to start the process. then God really started to move. you could see God's hand everywhere. divine timing and conversations with random people who fostered. it was amazing and we couldn't ignore the calling to do something. maybe one day i'll get to go into full detail about our journey to this point but the fact is...things changed suddenly.
we had filled out our paperwork and were ready to make our first home meetings for foster care. we decided the girls could share a room freeing up one of our four bedrooms. we worked on redoing their room in August hoping to have it all done before the girls started school. by them sharing a room we could keep the other room set up and designated for foster care. the room was complete by september and we turned back to our foster care to-do list. we spent most of september adjusting to school and researching what we needed to do to get ready for fostering. the week of october 5 i designated for working on my home inspection list before our first home visit. that sunday (october 5) hubs insisted i take a pregnancy test...
you see, at the end of september we were in DC. and i was having terrible heartburn. and i was having weird pelvic cramps after all of our walking. i was just plain feeling weird. and hubs totally called it. "you're probably pregnant." um, no. impossible. we were actually using prevention, so, like, how would that happen. (tmi??)
so, on october 5, hubs suspicions were confirmed. he was through the moon. i was in shock. actually, i'd go as far as to say...i was confused. wasn't i supposed to be following through with foster care? wasn't that God's plan? how does this fit into His plan??
the next day, i called the doc & the earliest appointment i could get was a week from then: october 13. i spent the next week in disbelief. i mean, i really didn't believe it. after i got to my appointment the following week & the prenatal nurse started to discuss breastfeeding options with me...it hit me, "sooo, the test was positive?" yep, this was really happening.
honestly, there were a MULTITUDE of emotions over the next few weeks. mostly, trying to figure out God's plan. after we told our kids (who were thrilled) and our families (who i think were also in shock), i was talking with my grandma about what God's plan was. and she lovingly told me, "you don't have to figure it all out, you just have to be obedient." there it was. God so obviously gave us this surprise baby and i needed to quit trying to figure it all out & just go with it.
it's also been hard because early last year we experienced our first miscarriage. it's made this pregnancy even harder to accept. we tried for months after the miscarriage...and, nothing. assuming having a baby was a closed door, it made even more sense when foster care became our main focus. even after an ultrasound & a beating baby heart this time, there has been a lot of fear. a miscarriage carries a lot of doubt and uncertainty long after it's happened & i've been needing a lot of prayer to not let those feelings in this time (prayers appreciated, friends).
funny how our plans can change so suddenly and drastically. seriously the story of our life.
so, here we are:
- foster care is officially on hold...but not forgotten.
- embracing a 5th pregnancy & a 4th baby if God wills it.
- realizing we have absolutely nothing for a baby...except a room!
what i do know:
- God has perfect timing
- God has a perfect plan
- i don't have to understand it all
- our van is going to get really crowded
"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD.
"And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine."
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