...the words every mom of a girl dreads to hear. i mean, please tell me i'm not alone.
so hubs & i were having our evening round-up. (well, doesn't that sound like fun. a bunch of super cool cats over here.) ya know, the time after the kids get to bed & the two of you actually get to talk. where you share the screenshots of the funny thing you saw on pinterest & he tells you about the nutty thing his co-worker said. you describe how sweetly the babe fell asleep for their nap & he wishes he still got naps. you tell him about something you saw on the news today & he tells you the latest news around the office. well, it was my turn. and well. i've been putting off this convo for a while now. for good reason. but i could hold it in no longer...
"so there's this guy."
i'm referring to the words of our pre-teen daughter.
hold on to your seats, kids.
better yet, just hold on to your kids.
yes, there's this guy at her school. there are charming words being said. there are compliments being given. there is flirting. there is a mom throwing up...and now a dad. this guy's older. not by much. he could be reading this. he could care less. regardless, he is talking to OUR daughter.
i mean, we knew this day would come. right??? hubs is a high school principal for goodness sake. heck, we had her when i was still in high school. WE KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME. yet, here she is. in middle school. smart. kind. cheerful. gorgeous. (i'm her mom, leave me alone.) she's a CATCH. but. she doesn't need to be caught. not just yet.
mom talk: How To Be a Mom of a Tween Girl
1. nobody knows. (KEEP TRYING ANYWAY)
2. open communication!! this is key for me. no matter what, i always knew i wanted to hear her out. always put myself in her shoes. to meet her where she's at & parent from there. i know our roles as parents/mothers is to give structure, stability & discipline, but i don't want to forget that i'm hear to help her navigate through life. to use what i've seen/experienced to enlighten/encourage her. to explain to her the way boys/men think. to discuss what it is we should be looking for in a (future) husband. to lay out goals for her in THIS stage of life, so that we are both on the same page & to hopefully help her see a little more clearly in case any situation may arise.
we may not always make the right choices in life, but what other way to try to combat mistakes than with preparation through the setting of boundaries & goals. WE'RE TRYING HERE, FOLKS.
3. be prepared. (these are the condensed minutes from our come-to-jesus meeting that we had a few months back) us girls talked about what boys are to her in this stage in life. for us, for now, they are friends. we are all getting to know one another. we are here to have fun...in groups of friends...with adults present. we don't need to have private conversations. we don't need to text one another. we don't belong to someone else. we aren't property. we know we will be attracted to people. that is the physical part of growing up. it doesn't mean we're in love. it doesn't mean we have to date them. we don't have to invest our hearts at every turn. our goal is not to give away our heart to every guy coming & going. we want to save our hearts & bodies for THEE guy that God has waiting for us. everyone wants the prince, but no one seems willing to wait for him.
i digress.
4. do battle. i went back & added this one. be ready to do battle. against the world. against society. against the media. against television. against "everyone else." because "everyone else" is what our kids measure everything against. and what we are saying isn't the norm. no, my kid doesn't have social media accounts or a cell phone. she doesn't understand why not because "everyone else" does. but we are confident in our opinions on the topic. and are a united front, hubs & i (that's important, too). and it IS a constant battle. but be confident in your own convictions. power to the parents y'all!
as we crept closer & closer to this age, i knew, going in, what kind of parent i wanted to be & did not want to be. i knew i did not want to be naive. even though that sounds pretty heavenly when you're in the thick of things. i knew i wanted to know everything i could about everyone i could. because truly it isn't just about your kid. parenting has a lot to do with knowing those who are always around your kid. i wanted to know what she was dealing with. i mean, how can i help her if i don't know what's going on with her?? i wanted her to always feel safe & accepted when talking to me. i wanted her to feel like i was there to help solve life's problems, not to condemn her every action. parenting isn't all about disciplining, it's a lot about instructing. i think that helped some-having those goals of my own. MY GOSH, parenting is, by far, the bravest thing i've ever done. forget jumping out of a plane or facing a grizzly bear--try giving your sweet little baby girl "the talk." i was sure i was ruining her life forever.
now, can i address the "don't be her friend, be her parent" thing right quick, please? i get it. i do. but i soooo want to be her friend. because my mom & i are friends. like the bestest. SOOOO...
...I'M DONE. i'm done with dreading this stage in life. i'm done with constantly complaining about it. yes, she drives me absolutely batty! and she doesn't listen very well. and she doesn't do things the way i want her to. hello, she's navigating this life for the first time. just like i'm navigating this stage of parenting for the first time. can we cut ourselves a little break, here?? they are kids. they are going to mess up. probably a lot. they will disappoint. BUT IT'S OKAY. there's forgiveness & unconditional love & grace. oh, thank you, Lord, grace. we need to accept enough grace for ourselves & then let it flow out to them. SOOOO, in the spirit of being "done," i am ready to be excited. let's end on that, shall we??
I'M SO EXCITED. she's not a baby anymore. that stuff i had to tiptoe around before?? now i don't have to. that stuff i could only laugh about with her dad, we can all laugh about together. we can have deeper discussions. she has opinions! we can debate. we have inside jokes. we share coffees (jk, we each get our own). we share music. we share our love of fashion. heck, we share clothes! we share makeup tips. we share hair ideas. and we talk about regrets. and we talk about mistakes. yes. because i want to be a human being to her. i don't want to be some intangible ideal. i want to be real. i want to be friends. and that's okay. because i won't be her friend at the expense of being her parent. i want our relationship to be rooted in respect & friendship, so that the parenting part can come organically. so yeah, i'll be her friend. and her parent. and her mentor. and her counselor. and her disciplinarian. and whatever she needs me to be. for as long as she needs me to be. because that's the love of a parent.
i may be losing my baby but i'm just getting to know my best friend.
....now, let me go pick up her dad from the floor....
p.s. now, what do you do with sons??
