hey look, it's a stretch mark

hi guys, it's me, amanda. did you forget i blog? i did. anyways, thanks for hanging around & checking in! here's what i've been up to...

so everyone's asleep & i'm doing my nightly facial routine (by nightly i mean i do it some nights when i feel like i need to get my skin under control).

[side note: why am i 31 & still dealing with acne. whyyyyyyyy.] 

as i put my hair up, i discover a brand new, bright & shiny stretch mark staring at me in the mirror. on the underside of my arm. there it is. i kinda stood there & just stared at it. kind of thinking, maybe i'll try wiping it off. then i started running through a list of things that require me to lift my arm that maybe i'll never do again in the presence of people. then, as though going through the stages of grief, i got angry. like, "can i not catch a break, here?!" "i thought the pregnancy shenanigans were over." "why is this happening to me?!" "maybe i'll finally get a tattoo & it can cover it up."

i guess that's the thing with motherhood. sometimes crap happens. i mean, sometimes you're literally dealing with crap. like the other night when i was co-bathing (i'm sure that's a thing) my sweet little baby girl & she decided to poop & then pee all over me. but sometimes you can be surprised by the daily crap that can get you down. like finding a shiny new stretch mark. leaving you with a sudden feeling of insecurity & despair.

i'll just say this:

i'll be the one waving hello to you with their white jiggly arm. i'll be the one throwing my baby in the air with my soft yet capable arms. i'll be the one hugging my oldest with my stretch-mark covered arms when she tells me goodnight.

my motto of late: life's too short.

too short to worry about the muscle to fat ratio of my arms. too short to worry about the number on the scale. too short to worry about all the things that haven't happened yet, but could happen & you think maybe you should worry about them, ya know, just in case.

well, in case you didn't already know, we have four kids & just found out we have another little one on the way.

we had our first child when i was still in high school & we wondered how in the world we were going to do it then.

after hubs & i got married, we were both in college full-time & decided we shouldn't wait any longer to give our firstborn a sibling. so i took a semester off & we had number 2. two kids in college without jobs...we wondered how we were going to do it.

not a month after graduating college, i got my first job. and not a month after that, we were surprised to find out we were expecting number 3. during which time, hubs had quit his job in sales to finally pursue a job in eduction. y'all, he was back to subbing. so 9 months into my first job & hubs taking sporadic work, i'm taking maternity leave & we're having number 3...we wondered how we were going to do it.

i'm guessing you see my point here.

a few years later, i quit my job to stay home with our two littlest ones & we were, once again, surprised by number 4. yes, surprised again! it can happen, okay?! one income & now 4 babes...how are we going to do this??

my point is, we always managed. no one ever went hungry. we always had a roof over our head. we always had clothes on our backs. and life's too dang short for this silly worrying.

each time we added a babe, changed jobs, bought cars, bought a house, we trusted in God's timing & provision. we sought his guidance & placed our faith in Him. having babies-or more specifically-getting pregnant isn't by random chance. every life given is allowed by Him. so we trusted that He knew what was up. and ya know what, things always worked out. thanks to Him.

now, here we are getting ready to add number 5 and still have just one income and to be honest, this is the first time when hubs & i are on the same page. we aren't worrying about how we're gonna do it. just trusting that God will walk us through it.

so what am i saying...

i'm not saying have 5 kids, although, BY ALL MEANS. but what i am saying is quit worrying about all those trivial things that literally mean nothing in the grand scheme of life. those stretch marks, those gray hairs, those wrinkles, those plus size jeans, those tiny paychecks, that old car, that unexpected baby...life's too short to worry. embrace life. turn your focus towards others. towards doing good. towards spreading love. let God work in you & your life. it's all about focus. keep your eyes on Him & the stormy waters will be as solid ground. I PROMISE the more you get to know Him, the more you will understand the love He has for you & the more you will be able to love yourself & others. and LOVE is what life is all about.

let go.
and let God.



peace & love, friends xo