what almost 30 feels like

in exactly one month i will be 30.

what a strange concept. it definitely doesn't sound right. but age is such a surreal thing to me. do you ever really "feel" your age?

is this what almost 30 "feels" like...

...like when we you get back from vacation & you can't wait to sleep in your own bed with your ikea ortho-pillow.

nope? just me?

well, i look forward to it. that pillow & our routine.

hold up. who am i? routine?? i used to hate the monotony of it. now i welcome the familiar & ordinary. is this something that comes with age? craving home & order. or is it, perhaps, that we appreciate those things more over time?

for me, i suppose almost 30, in a way, is exactly how i thought it'd be:

a sorted life...husband, kids, house...and i suppose even the stay at home mom gig (although i would have never told you that if you would have asked). you see, when my mom was 30, she had my brother & i and left teaching to stay home with us until we started school. so i suppose in my head that's what 30 looked like. i did, however, imagine a lot more baking at 30 than i am currently doing...i probably should work on that. again, those expectations come from my mom & her high baking standards.

on the one hand, i am completely scared of saying the words, "i'm 30." on the other hand, there is so much freedom that comes with being 30. the 20's were fun (and thinner & tanner) but we had a young, growing family, and well, growing up is hard to do. we had kids at such a young age it gives us a bit of a different memory of what "20" looked like compared to most of our friends. at 30 we're so much farther along in our relationship & understanding of each other as a couple. at 30 we've already experienced so much as parents. at 30 we know where we stand on our boundaries as a family & a couple. there's a lot of freedom in 30 for me.

it's like we've been playing our avatars in this game of life & have finally mastered level 20 & get to go to the superstar level 30. we've wove our way through the maze, fell in a few pitfalls, but super-jumped out & received bonus points. level 30 will be packed with its own obstacles, but we get to use all we've learned on level 20 to run headfirst into level 30.

almost 30 means i care less & less around makeup and hair. i'm down to powder & mascara. my hair may or may not get washed--it may just be in a ball cap. eyeshadow is basically reserved for special occasions.

almost 30 means i have less & less patience with drama. i guess i feel like we should all be passed it by this point...or at least should know how to maturely deal with issues. apparently, that's completely unrealistically. maybe that should be a requirement in high school: Introduction to Dealing with Drama. 

almost 30 means i had my first experience where my 12 year old knew about something that i had never heard of...it used to be the other way around. 

almost 30 means i feel exactly the same as i did when i was 18. 

i guess i always thought when you "grow up" you change, but you don't. however, my perspective on many things has changed. the obstacles i've dealt with, the issues i've had to face have definitely changed my understanding & point of view on most things.

i have age to thank for that.

besides, maybe my kids will be as bad as i am about remembering my parents' ages & they can forever tell everyone that i'm 29. i'd be okay with that, too.