monogamy through the monotony

we had a day date. 

we ate italian, grabbed dessert & caught a movie. it was sunny & warm. we drove around town with the windows down (not listening to the frozen soundtrack). joked about needing coffee to make it through a midday movie (but really though). and welcomed our little ones back refreshed. 

set alarm. wake up. shower. work. lunch break. home. what's for dinner. dishes. kids. baths. rinse & repeat // monday turns into tuesday. tuesday blurs into wednesday. wednesday shuffles to thursday. thursday hails friday. weekends are claimed by laundry and catching up on sleep missed throughout the week.

remember back to when you first saw him. you know, THE ONE. he gets your number. the chase begins. you are pursued. you start dating. there are plans being made for every weekend. calls being made. texts being sent. you are pursued. dinners during the week. little love notes. you are pursued. maybe you get engaged. there are pictures. a party. then planning. there's a wedding. there's a honeymoon. you are pursued. there's a new house, new jobs, even. and maybe some baby news. then, life falls into a familiar rhythm. a routine. maybe a struggle. your goal is to just make it through the day, like, everyday. 

you can see the dark cloud ahead. 

the pursuit has stopped. 

insecurity has set in. 

trust becomes an issue. 

the rain starts to pour. 

here comes the storm.

being in a relationship means 2 people with 2 different needs, 2 different attitudes, 2 different beliefs, 2 different ways of thinking, decide it's worth it. it's worth the risk. worth putting yourself out there. letting your freak flag fly. this is the person i want to hold on to during life's storms.

the keys: priorities & pursuit

you must put God first. 

i truly & sincerely cannot and do not want to downplay God's role in a successful relationship. i have been married too long, been through too much not to stress the importance of BOTH of you seeking Christ in your life. Learning more about God, falling more in love with Him, is the only true way to learn how to love. We can never love others the way we should, until we love Him ultimately, passionately, completely. I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE WOULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT HIM. well, yes, i do...we would be divorced. maybe that sounds harsh, but it's true. it took God's grace & divine forgiveness to move in our hearts. without it we would have been lost.

you must give your spouse your all.

oooh, yep, that's a hard one. because i don't want to be hurt. i don't want to be let down. or judged. or vulnerable. but you have to pour all you've got into it. you've probably heard the saying, "the grass is always greener on the other side" well, you've probably also heard, "the grass is green where you water it." the time you invest in the other person matters. daydream about them. be thankful for what you have in them. accept & love them...AS THEY ARE. we are all works in progress. and we will never be perfect. getting to the place where you can both accept each other's weaknesses, support each other through them, and maybe even joke about them, is something special.

you must pursue them.

i think too many times, we just plain get bored. then we make this crazy desperate declaration by branding our hearts with the letters b-o-r-e-d and crying out, "why me? how did this happen?!" it becomes a relationship death sentence for many. a few thoughts: this is not a disney princess film. this is not the notebook. i am not married to ryan gosling. these fictional characters we like to measure reality against (i hate to tell you) AREN'T REAL. i'm just saying i've definitely been guilty of getting mad at hubs because he didn't do something i wished he would have done, because he didn't do it how i thought he should do, because he didn't say something that i wished he would have said...ladies, it has been confirmed, guys CANNOT read our minds. we really should stop expecting them to. we need to talk to them. to express expectation. to express feelings.

we also need to bite boredom in the butt. LET'S DECLARE WAR. schedule regular date nights (get a babysitter & try a new restaurant together). do something spontaneous (like late-night drive thru ice cream). take turns picking out a netflix movie (pop popcorn & snuggle on the couch). it doesn't need to be extravagant or expensive or exemplary...just together. flirt with each other. text each other. act silly. talk about the future. talk about the past. remember why you fell in love. 

forgive.

forget.

labor.
love.

the top secret formula for surviving the monotony?

choosing your spouse.

over and over and over again.

and maybe monotony isn't all bad. maybe that incredible level of comfort that one only gets after years together is what we're all really craving.

if we take the time to slow down & really watch the day move...

to appreciate the sunlight on his face in bed before he showers. knowing you are loved. to be thankful for the 100th white tee shirt you pick up that still smells of him. knowing you are loved. to selflessly wash out his favorite coffee mug that he sips with you each morning. knowing you are loved. to prepare that same dinner again (because he loves it) that he eats at home. with you. every night. knowing you are loved.

...that monotony is beautiful. because it's our monotony. it's our moments. it's our days. it's our life.

it's our choice to see it.

but it's there.

sometimes clouded by us.

but it's there.

sometimes clouded by life.

but it's there.

sometimes you just have to hold on until the clouds pass, so you can truly enjoy the sunlight.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:12

Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:2-3