our three gift christmas

no, i'm not going to talk about kissing under a twig at christmas BUT it is november 11 and i cannot get enough of christmas.

bring on the hallmark movies.

bring on the christmas tree.

i may have already bought a few christmas gifts.

this may not seem strange to some of you but for me, it is. i've always been one of those people who didn't start thinking about christmas until the day after thanksgiving. i was talking to my mom the other day and telling her i couldn't believe how smitten i was with the thought of christmas this year when it hit me...christmas was typically a very stressful, busy time of the year for us: do we have enough money, did we buy enough gifts, what in the world do i get for so-and-so, but as of last year we really simplified christmas...and it was beautiful. it became clear to me that by simplifying christmas last year we were able to truly enjoy the season and able to reflect on the true reason for celebrating. after a great year last year, i'm especially looking forward to this one.

so how did we simplify christmas last year? first of all, we by no means wanted to downplay the significance of christmas, but instead wanted to quiet the other aspects of the season so that the celebration of our savior and the love of our family could be heard...loud & clear.

the simplification of our christmas:

somewhat unintentionally, our decorations were minimal. i suppose i was inspired by a simple swedish christmas (preferably full of snow & gluten free sweets). not that i have anything against big, full-on christmas decorations, it's just that last year was all about the quaint.

 

 

more intentionally, we changed the way we did gifts for our 3 kids. we decided they would each receive 3 gifts just as the magi brought for jesus. more specifically, each gift would represent a need, a wish & a surprise for each child. (i've since read about other families who add a "read" gift which we may do this year...our littles love books!) their need is an outfit of some kind. i've tried to find something special that can be worn both for church and for school. for their wish, they get to ask for that one special item they would like to have. (this is also their wish from santa.) and for their surprise, we like to plan a little overnight trip each year. something where the kids have to pack their bags that night & we leave the next morning. at least something we get to do together as a family. something where we make memories. spending time instead of just money.

on the subject of santa: in our house we believe santa is whoever you need him to be. for us, he's the hands & feet of Jesus...just as we we should be. he spreads love to others by giving & by showing compassion. he is not the focus of the season & our kids know that. so yes, there are cookies & milk for santa (more like lemon bars for our santa). yes, there are stockings magically filled on christmas eve. but it's not the whole focus. last year we enjoyed a few minutes each evening reading verses, having discussion & doing a family activity together for advent. it was a great way to keep the focus on Jesus throughout the often busy hype of the christmas season. now, mind you, there were nights when it just didn't happen...and our kids definitely let us know about it. ;)      

now, i'd be lying if i said i had no reservation last year about scaling back our gifts to just 3 per child. i specifically recall a moment of panic, "is this really all we're getting them?! is this enough??" beforehand we explained what we were doing & why we were doing it, so there weren't any surprises. but i think deep down i was expecting some sort of backlash. some moment after christmas morning where the kids would sit there with sad, disappointed faces & i'd regret ever making the decision...but the truth is...that never happened. we never missed a beat. the kids opened their gifts. we took the morning slow. everything had meaning & we were grateful.

also, i have to share. one of my favorite parts of our christmas morning is our little family gift exchange. it's when we each open our secret santa workshop gifts from the kids. if you don't know what that is, our schools typically have a (dollar) shop set up for the kids to buy for parents & siblings. it's always one of my favorite things...to see what our kids have found & thought that each of us would just love. (i got a sweet mary figurine last year from lincoln.)

so, i'm not saying that our christmas is perfect & we're not looking for perfection; but it's become slower, sweeter & so much more meaningful. simplifying the "fuss" of christmas has given us more time and energy to be spent on rest & reflection. we are more intentional & purposefully thankful. and the reality is, we have more than we need. we are blessed beyond anything we deserve. our God is so good to us. and i want our kids to not only hear that, but to know it, to feel it in their lives. i want them to know that joy doesn't come in a package & that it only comes from Christ. i want them to hold Jesus closely & intimately & never let go.

i don't want a christmas you can buy. i don't want a christmas you can make. what i want is a christmas you can hold. a christmas that holds me, remakes me, revives me. i want a christmas that whispers JESUS.

i hope you all embrace the upcoming season with each of your families. i hope you all see a sweet time with family & friends.

follow our christmas story on instagram at #shamblinchristmas.

(also happy veteran's day! thank you to all our past & present veterans for living a life of service & sacrifice. you are much appreciated.)

photo creds here.

another lil pumpkin

okay, so, remember when i shared the girls room redo here and i said it was a necessary change and that i would later share with you why...??? well, i guess now's the time. except that it's all completely changed.

throughout our marriage we've always kept an open dialogue about adoption and foster care. something we were open to when the time was right. something we would maybe do after the kids were older. well, the thing is, God started stirring up a strong feeling inside of me that the time for action was now. after a lot of prayer and conviction, we decided to start the process. then God really started to move. you could see God's hand everywhere. divine timing and conversations with random people who fostered. it was amazing and we couldn't ignore the calling to do something. maybe one day i'll get to go into full detail about our journey to this point but the fact is...things changed suddenly.

we had filled out our paperwork and were ready to make our first home meetings for foster care. we decided the girls could share a room freeing up one of our four bedrooms. we worked on redoing their room in August hoping to have it all done before the girls started school. by them sharing a room we could keep the other room set up and designated for foster care. the room was complete by september and we turned back to our foster care to-do list. we spent most of september adjusting to school and researching what we needed to do to get ready for fostering. the week of october 5 i designated for working on my home inspection list before our first home visit. that sunday (october 5) hubs insisted i take a pregnancy test...

you see, at the end of september we were in DC. and i was having terrible heartburn. and i was having weird pelvic cramps after all of our walking. i was just plain feeling weird. and hubs totally called it. "you're probably pregnant." um, no. impossible. we were actually using prevention, so, like, how would that happen. (tmi??)

so, on october 5, hubs suspicions were confirmed. he was through the moon. i was in shock. actually, i'd go as far as to say...i was confused. wasn't i supposed to be following through with foster care? wasn't that God's plan? how does this fit into His plan??

the next day, i called the doc & the earliest appointment i could get was a week from then: october 13.  i spent the next week in disbelief. i mean, i really didn't believe it. after i got to my appointment the following week & the prenatal nurse started to discuss breastfeeding options with me...it hit me, "sooo, the test was positive?" yep, this was really happening.

honestly, there were a MULTITUDE of emotions over the next few weeks. mostly, trying to figure out God's plan. after we told our kids (who were thrilled) and our families (who i think were also in shock), i was talking with my grandma about what God's plan was. and she lovingly told me, "you don't have to figure it all out, you just have to be obedient." there it was. God so obviously gave us this surprise baby and i needed to quit trying to figure it all out & just go with it.

it's also been hard because early last year we experienced our first miscarriage. it's made this pregnancy even harder to accept. we tried for months after the miscarriage...and, nothing. assuming having a baby was a closed door, it made even more sense when foster care became our main focus. even after an ultrasound & a beating baby heart this time, there has been a lot of fear. a miscarriage carries a lot of doubt and uncertainty long after it's happened & i've been needing a lot of prayer to not let those feelings in this time (prayers appreciated, friends).

funny how our plans can change so suddenly and drastically. seriously the story of our life.

so, here we are:

• foster care is officially on hold...but not forgotten. 
• embracing a 5th pregnancy & a 4th baby if God wills it.
• realizing we have absolutely nothing for a baby...except a room!

what i do know:

• God has perfect timing
• God has a perfect plan
• i don't have to understand it all
• our van is going to get really crowded

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. 

"And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine."

follow my pregnancy story on instagram here or at #shamblinpartyof6 

a confession & a message of hope

this message brought to you by emma

recently a friend of mine got some difficult & scary news about her sweet momma. and when she texted me to pray, i was on it. i quickly let some prayer warriors know (if you don't know any, get some) to start praying. when i went to text her back, i found myself without words. nothing to reply with. weird for me. i'm almost never without words (just ask my husband). but seriously, nothing. and when i told my husband i didn't know what to say to her i assumed it was because of the shock of the news; but truly, it was because my well was dry. i, myself, had not been faithfully seeking God. 

after our bible study finished this summer, i had planned to read a few new books i had picked up & had multiple places in the bible i wanted to study. just as satan would have it, i did none of it. one day of busyness, turned to two. two days turned to three and soon i had a whole new "routine"...and it didn't include a quiet time. 

it's a constant battle. 

me vs. myself.

me vs. Satan.

me vs. the world

i won't win through my own strength. 

i must seek His strength.

then the victory is ours.  

and the glory is His.

i mean really:

can i be disciplined enough to meet with God daily? 

can i sacrifice time out of my day for Him who sacrificed everything for me? 

how can we minister to others if we aren't in communion with Him?

when i'm not seeking him daily, life is full of chaos. full of despair. full of anger & loneliness. life seems clouded and without purpose, BUT when i'm in Him...

there is hope. 

there is grace. 

there is a chance for forgiveness. 

there is purpose in the storms. 

there is reason for the trails. 

there is light in the darkness. 

and, today, when i broke down & opened my heart in a prayer of repentance & thankfulness, it was there...that fresh breath of HOPE. it was there in the song i heard on the radio. it was there in the bible verse i just happened to see on my daughter's bedroom wall. and it would be there in the text message i was about to send my friend: HOPE.

i prayed & searched the scriptures. then i stopped & just reached for Him...tired & thirsty & heavyhearted. and He held me. {Romans 8:26} my well was filling. my eyes were filling. my once dry well was overflowing. 

i was overflowing with grace. 

i was overflowing with thankfulness.

i was overflowing with humility in repentance.

i was overflowing with praise. 

i have spent the last two weeks in utter frustration with our daughter. Her ADHD is getting the better of her (and us). she's been off medication for a couple of years now (thank you Jesus) but between a new school this year, joining volleyball, homework, getting a new dog, her chores...i think it has been a lot of change for her to deal with all at once. i wanted her to try harder and focus better. and i found myself being that parent i'm always complaining about in the movies (and in real life) who constantly pushes their kid instead of guiding in patience & in love. i was getting aggravated and angry and resentful towards her. then i felt guilty for feeling & acting that way. 

you see...she's a sweet child with a heart for Christ, but she sure hasn't seen Christ in me the past couple of weeks. i am so thankful that when i fall short, she knows to turn to Christ who will never fail her. what a humbling experience to walk into her room this morning and see that message & verse wrote on her wall. she gave me HOPE.

i know God allowed these last two trying weeks to happen for a purpose but i reacted like a spoiled child throwing a hissy fit, crossing my arms & pouting in the corner, alone. i had no grace to extend to our daughter because i wasn't accepting His grace in my life. i wasn't seeking His face. i wasn't seeking His strength. i was living in my own feelings & that's one of the worse things we can do as a follower of Christ. living in my feelings will always lead me away from Christ & further into darkness. i need to live through my faith not through my feelings.

i am constantly reminded that i can't get through this life on my own. i mean, i can, but i would be in a constant state of emergency. 

we can't live in victory if we're stuck in defeat. 

and Satan wants to defeat us...no, he wants to completely destroy us. he wants to keep us depressed, insecure & removed from others. it's easier for him to whisper his lies into our ears when we are vulnerable & alone. he wants us to live in bondage. he wants to rob us of HOPE. he doesn't want us to live in the freedom that Christ offers. he wants our relationships to fail & our lives to crumble. he wants us to live selfishly & stuff our lives with things that fill us, instead of that which truly feeds us. 

then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty." {John 6:35}

i praise Jesus for i never have to thirst.
i praise Jesus for His love, His grace & His HOPE.
i praise Jesus for never leaving me & for patiently waiting on me (over & over) to return to Him.
i praise Jesus for life's trials that often bring us back to Him.
i praise Jesus for His perfect plan in our lives.

Seek The Lord and

Seek His strength

Seek His face

Continually

Psalms 105:4

*** if you have a moment, join me in prayer for my friend's mother. she is a faithful follower of Christ & has given this situation over to God. we pray for strength, answers, healing & for all members of the family who are also being touched by this.