are we crushing our kids?

i am still reading counterfeit gods by timothy keller & wanted to share some seriously difficult self reflection.

we have to be careful what kind of pressure & expectations we are putting on our children.

do they have to be the best in every sport?

do they have to be involved in every extracurricular?

do they have to make all A's?

do they have to be the best in their class?

are we pushing our kids into activities & projects that they don't have an aptitude for or even an interest in?

maybe we should stop punishing them emotionally for bad grades or a poor athletic performance.
maybe we should stop the "try harder" & the "do better" speeches.

maybe we should give them the freedom to fail.

maybe we should allow them to feel & deal with disappointment.

maybe the underlying issue is with us. the parents. 

maybe our desire for completely successful and happy children is selfish. 

maybe it's all about our need to feel worthwhile and valuable.

if we really knew God's love...then we could accept less-than-perfect kids and wouldn't be cursing them with our expectations of perfection. THEN, we could love our children less selfishly and more truly.

as parents, we need to stop defining ourselves by our children. our identity is not in them.

sometimes our over-control of our children is our own unwillingness to let God be God in our lives.

think about it:

does God love us as long as we are trying our hardest?

does God love us as long as we are doing better than someone else?

does God love us more when we get the promotion at work?

does God love us less if we don't go to church or read our bible?

truth is...no. he loves us perfectly. he loves us entirely. no matter what. personally, that's still hard for me to wrap my mind around. and, of course, we want to protect our kids from failures or disappointments. but Hebrews 12:1-8 tell us, anyone God loves experiences hardship. we should expect it when it comes.

the success & love of our children can become more important for our self-image than for the glory & love of God.

remember the account of abraham & isaac? God tells this dad to sacrifice his own son. it still leaves me speechless. the test. his response. geesh. anyone else with me, here??  

the thing is, God knew abraham's heart. God knew isaac had become an idol to abraham. God also knew what was going to happen when abraham was tested. but he needed abraham to know. to know that no matter what, he would always choose God. even at the expense of his own son's life. wow. abraham was truly faith-full. 

we will be tested. we must put God first. we must trust God with our children. even if that means letting them fail. we must find the peace in his love & in his will. 

we need to follow abraham up into the mountains.