hey, how bout some more baby bump pics?? okay, no problem.
these were actually taken the week before the blizzard of 2015 hit. you can still see leftover snow in the last pic from the previous snow. i guess here in ohio, our winter doesn't like to show up until the last minute. it makes for an awkward (and incredibly short) spring.
by baby number 4 i guess i thought i'd have it figured out. or at the least, know what to expect. or at the least least, feel prepared. but the reality is, i feel more unsure than ever.
at this point my fear over the inevitable lack of sleep that comes with a newborn has become irrational. sleep is important to me, people. and then i just KNOW i won't be able to breastfeed baby girl enough OR that i won't be able to keep up with all 4 littles and each of their needs. yes, i know we shouldn't worry and i'm normally not a worrier, but i can't help but think, can we really do this?? i mean, do you know how long it takes us 5 to get out the door at this point? we may never make it anywhere again--and definitely never on time! and since we're talking about worry...i worry about what i'm putting my kids through with each new addition. for instance:
i was talking generally about bedroom plans and happened to mention, "if we have anymore, we can put them..." our oldest was listening & stopped me right there, "you're having more??" guys, you should've seen the look in her eyes. she may not have meant it the same way i took it, but it took the wind out of me. has this been too much for her? i know she's the oldest and often does the most to help, but for the first time...i was worried for her. worried she may resent us. resent her siblings. oh geesh. yep, i ran with it. that's the problem with worry, though, isn't it? we let our minds wonder about things that have yet to happen and we speculate over things that we don't know. it's kinda dumb. but it's real. and when it happens, i have to SHUT. IT. DOWN. that stuff can ruin you.
also with every new little life, there's this shift in our family dynamics.
with every new baby-with every new life force-our family changes. it's interesting to see how each child reacts to these changes. to see what role they grow into in our family. i can already see our baby boy becoming the big brother--he talks to her in my belly, tells us what he's going to teach her, thinks of her when we're shopping--it's one of the sweetest things to watch.
but i guess that's the magical part of it. what you didn't know was missing is now found. this piece of your life that you've been waiting for...and didn't even know it. and because i know every life is given by God, i know it's all part of His plan. i know that with every addition it changes each us...but it's bringing us closer to who we're meant to be. who we were planned to be since the beginning. while circumstances may surprise us, it doesn't surprise God. while changes may be hard for us, it's because He planned it that way. to mold us. to strengthen us. to give us experiences that we can then share with others. to empathize. to love. because when all the layers of struggle & worry are peeled away, what's left is love. the love God has for us. the love we are to have towards others.
i thought that with every child, my love would have to be "divided" amongst them. but the reality is, God gives us the ability to "multiply" our love. it doesn't get dissected, it GROWS.
PRAYING GOD'S WORD OVER OUR CHILDREN:
God, may I want nothing greater for my children than that they should be taught by You, established on a foundation of righteousness (Isa. 54:13-14). May I faithfully tell them of Your might and the wonderful works You have performed, that they might put their confidence in You--that they might become a generation whose heart is loyal and whose spirit is faithful to You (Ps. 78:4,7-8). Beth Moore, David
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