are you a good enough mother?

there's something i've been meaning to say. something i've been wanting to talk about. and after reading a recent post on my instagram feed, i am finally ready to write about it.

motherhood.

i know. so broad. so limited. sooo talked about. soooo blogged about. i know...

it's something some are surprised with. it's something some dream about. it's something very different for each mother. and yet, it's still very much the same. 

for some it's biological. for some it's spiritual. 

and yes, you can be a "mother" without physically carrying a child. and no, i'm not even talking as far as adoption or fostering (which require some amazing mommas)--but just by mentoring a life & fulfilling that role as nurturer can bring you into that wondrously unknown realm of motherhood.

that being said, it's obvious that we ALL (man or woman) experience life differently. each of us have our own paths. each of us have our own needs, perspectives, struggles & triumphs. while many of us may come from similar backgrounds-maybe growing up in the same era, we still have distinctive circumstances that we have each had to deal with that shaped who we are today. bottom line: none of us go through this world the same way. 

why would motherhood be any different?

i want to say that motherhood is different today than it may have been for our mothers & grandmothers. what with technology & social media & such. and to a degree, yes, it is. but we all still struggle with "doing what's best" for our children. and while many childrearing methods come & go in popularity/acceptability, it still remains that most of the time we're all just trying to...let's admit it, keep our head above water.

the interesting factor for today's mom is the social media component of our lives. everything is right there. in yo face. day in. day out. all day. all night. and i know i be checking my multiple apps many times-daily...amiright?? that's where we have to be careful. COMPARISON. ick.

fo real. 

we compare what we feed our kids. we compare if we're living green enough. we compare how we correct our children's behavior. we compare our kids grades. we compare our children's athletic abilities.

i have friends who breastfeed. i have friends who bottle-feed.

i have friends who homeschool. i have friends whose children attend public school.

i have friends that spank. i have friends who don't.

i have friends who eat dye-free, nut-free and gluten free. i have friends who eat organic. i have friends whose kids eat off the van floor (that may be me).

i have friends who use essential oils. i have friends who don't know what that is.

i have friends who clothe diaper--no, i don't really--at least i don't think, but it sounds very interesting.

some of us are constricted financially by what we can do for our kids. some of us are in busy seasons of life. some of us are working outside the home. some of us are working from the home. some of us are just working to get out of bed in the morning (again, me). and some of us...are going it alone. 

the point is, we all mother differently, BUT we all LOVE just as much. 

and i love each of those dear friends above & i know without a shadow of a doubt that they all love their babies fiercely. my babies were bottle-fed, have attended public and private schools, have all been spanked, and 2 out of the 3 used a binky for probably too long. and yes, i want to try breastfeeding with this new baby. and yes, i've been buying more organic foods. and yes, we've been using essential oils since november. but the truth is, we are all trying to figure this motherhood thing out. we all love our kids. our achievement of being a "good" mom isn't measured by how many "good" things we can check off of some phantom motherhood list. 

just as we have our own paths in life, each of our children have their own paths in life. none of them are carved from the same stone. so with each new little life, we, as mothers, are met with all new challenges. i have 3 kids now & what worked for the first doesn't always work for the third (actually it rarely does). they. are. different. 

so, motherhood. 

we're all in this together, girls. let's support each other--no matter which stance we take on fast food or the amount of screen time is acceptable for kids. let's love on each other. uplift each other when we don't know what in the world we're doing. (am i scarring my children for life??) let's quit the comparison game for our own sake. judge less & accept more. and if we read an awesome blog post about homeschooling, let's applaud that mom for finding something that works for their family--and not assume we should have done the same. 

if i've learned anything from having our 3 littles over the last 12 years, it's that there are seasons in our lives. seasons when it's slow & we feel like we can do more with our kids. seasons when our kids were still babies & we were just trying to get by. seasons when our marriage was hard making everything more difficult. seasons when our walks with God made everything so much sweeter. seasons come & go & change & we change with them. but under it all, we just want our kids to know they are safe & treasured & loved...no matter what. 

are you a good enough mother? 

i mean, what does that even mean??

sister, you got this! i don't care if you haven't showered. i don't care if you are still wearing your pajamas...from last week (am i the only one?? i'm just saving water.). i don't care if you're still carrying around that baby weight (and your baby is now 10). it does not matter. you are loved. perfectly. by God. you were created perfectly for a purpose only YOU can fulfill. and while we hold ourselves up to some kind of standard that is often based on the lives of others, we are missing what's really important:  the eyes of those littles who know nothing of such a standard. all they see is THEIR mom...

"she makes my favorite meal & washes my favorite pjs. she gives me the best hugs & knows all the songs from Frozen. how did she get so good at singing?? she takes so many pictures of me--she says i'm beautiful. she helps me with my homework-even though she hates math. she let us have a cat-even though she's allergic. she gives me the warmest baths & my hair smells so good. she knows i eat red apples-not green & green grapes-not red. and if i get to sleep in her bed, the nightmares go away. how does she do it all?? i know she is magic."

so, friends, let's remember who we're really doing (the crafts, the projects, the late nights, the baking, the class parties) this for. for those little people who can't wait to wake up to see you. who find you first thing when they get home from school to tell you every detail about their day. let's wake up each day realizing that our joy of motherhood can be reclaimed. because it doesn't last, you see. days turn to months. months turn to years. days become graduation days & then wedding days. and before you know it, your babies will be having babies of their own...and guess what...

...guess who they'll be calling for advice...

that mom you see in the mirror. the one with dirty hair & bags under her eyes. the one who thought she knew nothing. the one who thought she wasn't enough. 

she was. 

she was exactly what that baby needed. exactly who that teen needed. and she'll be exactly what that new mom or dad will want. and you know what you'll tell them...

just love them, honey. hold them tight & kiss them often. yell, but say i'm sorry. cry, but remember to smile. laugh with them & laugh at yourself. 

we're all going to be alright. 

To Emma, Kennedy & Lincoln:  may I never forget what a privilege it is to be your mom.

To Baby Girl on the way:  I can't wait to meet you, love you & try my best to give you what God wants for you.

xo

Christmas 2014

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. 

Proverbs 17:22 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13